It's been pretty evident I've been struggling lately. Not that I'm doubting plans, God, or any of that. And by plans, I mean HIS plans, not mine. It's that my focus has been on the trials and tests before me and NOT on God.
I could give you a laundry list of concerns, scenarios, circumstances that are troubling me lately. Some bring more anxiety than others. And they all have a common denominator: I have no control over any of them.
Knowledge of the fact that God does, is and always will have control over them hasn't been enough lately because I fell into a trap. The enemy frequently sets traps before us. And this time, I stumbled into it.
Never has my knowledge changed. But my focus did. Rather than repeatedly rejoicing in the knowledge I have deep within that God is a good God, that He is Jehovah Jirah, that He is never late, that He sees me now and in the future, that He is fighting my battles for me, that He wants me to lean into Him, to trust Him, to have faith, to believe and to do my part, I looked at the list.
The Lord is close to the broken hearted. He rescues those who are crushed in Spirit. -Psalm 34:18
Hebrews 10:23
23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
These two verses came to me within the past 24 hours. They have been tremendously helpful in redirecting my thoughts. My faith hadn't disappeared, but my thoughts had shifted to the list. And the longer I looked at it, the more anxious I became. And the more anxiety I felt, the more I reverted to old ways thinking I needed to figure it out and some how do something about it. The more control I thought I needed of these situations, the more burden I felt. The more burdened I became, the more discouraged I became.
It's a trap. If you are looking at your circumstances only, if you are looking at the obstacles in your life and thinking to yourself, "How on earth...?" You find your chest is tight, you cannot breathe normally, you have headaches, your blood pressure is too high, you're eating constantly (or not at all), you're drinking more, smoking more, participating in other risky activities....
Stop looking at the obstacle.
You've allowed the enemy to steal not only your peace, but also your joy. Redirect your thoughts. You do have control over that. But not over your situation every time.(Granted, if the mess you're in is because of irresponsible behavior or decision making, you can change that - but if it's a product of the down economy or the actions of others, not so much.) You can't make that job come to you even if you're applying everywhere. You can't make your bank account multiply if you're doing all you can. You can't make the tires grow new tread.
But you can speak the promises of Jehovah Jirah. You can praise Him for your blessings. You can lift your hands in worship. You can trust in Him.
Do what you can do. Let God do the rest.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Perspective
When a painter stares blankly at a canvass, in their mind they do not see a plain surface of nothing but white. A design, image, scene, landscape or person emerges. In their mind, they work out the details of the lines and select the color palette that will be necessary to bring the subject to life. A sculptor does the same. They look at the medium - clay, stone, wood, metal - and they see something the rest of us don't. Shapes, curves, lines... And they use talent and experience to smooth the rough edges, to chisel away the junk and reveal it.
Parents look at their children and they see natural gifts and activities the kids enjoy. They begin to imagine what that child might do in the world; ways they will make an impact. And quite often, the parents will begin steering a kid in one direction - extra math assignments, extra science experiments, writing classes, music or dance lessons, sports - anything that will provide training so that child can become someone who makes a difference.
And sometimes, kids are in unfortunate situations. And this interest isn't given to them. And they are pushed aside and made to feel like they are more of a nuisance than a gift. They are neglected on some, or even all, levels of development and left to flounder around and feel their way in this dark world, learning by mistakes.
Regardless of the circumstance you had, or the one your children have, it is important to know this: While you may appear as a blank canvass to yourself, a lost cause, someone who missed their calling, this is not how God sees you. God is the Master Artist. He is the designer of all designers. And created you for a purpose. Have you missed it? Maybe. But the wonderful thing about God is there isn't an "oops" factor. He doesn't have to have a back-up idea as to who you should be. Nothing you've said or done surprises Him. He's known you from before the beginning. He's known all along what you would and wouldn't do. And from every experience He's given you the opportunity to learn and move closer to the blueprint.
You may look in the mirror and see nothing good. You may see years of mistakes. Years of hard living. Or maybe just years of mediocrity. Maybe you've done nothing wrong that would make headlines, but maybe you just haven't done your best. Maybe you've just floated by and kind of been tossed in the waves. Or maybe you're the one who has always done what everyone else wanted you to do. You became the doctor instead of the singer, or you work for your father's company when you wanted to do missions work. Whatever your situation, you look at your world and your circumstances, and you do not see how anything good or profound could come from your existence.
I'm going to share something to let you off the hook here.... You're not asked to see it all.
You're asked to look to Him for guidance and direction. To trust Him fully with your life. You're asked to believe His promises and to even test a few of them. To rest in His grace. To accept the gift of salvation and to simply do your best.
If you want to understand God's plan for you, may I suggest spending some time getting to know Him. I do. And I'm learning He's not really what I thought as a kid or younger adult. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a great earthly father. I had a good mother, but an absent father. My dad was a broken man. And so, the idea of what a good father really is hasn't been one I could easily grasp. But the more I study the promises, the more I lean into Him, the more I seek Him with regard to direction and decisions, the more humbled and grateful I become at the realization of how much He loves me.
No matter what I face each day, God is with me. No matter how foggy the future may seem, God is with me. He will always be with me. While I may try to run from Him, I cannot. While I may try to turn my back on Him, He will patiently await my return - standing by my side.
It is this understanding that will anchor me in the midst of the storms - regardless as to what may be the cause of the crushing waves. No matter what comes against me, or attempts to derail me from the plans of my Father, I am anchored. And I believe He has good plans. And I choose to rest in Him. Maybe you will, too.
Parents look at their children and they see natural gifts and activities the kids enjoy. They begin to imagine what that child might do in the world; ways they will make an impact. And quite often, the parents will begin steering a kid in one direction - extra math assignments, extra science experiments, writing classes, music or dance lessons, sports - anything that will provide training so that child can become someone who makes a difference.
And sometimes, kids are in unfortunate situations. And this interest isn't given to them. And they are pushed aside and made to feel like they are more of a nuisance than a gift. They are neglected on some, or even all, levels of development and left to flounder around and feel their way in this dark world, learning by mistakes.
Regardless of the circumstance you had, or the one your children have, it is important to know this: While you may appear as a blank canvass to yourself, a lost cause, someone who missed their calling, this is not how God sees you. God is the Master Artist. He is the designer of all designers. And created you for a purpose. Have you missed it? Maybe. But the wonderful thing about God is there isn't an "oops" factor. He doesn't have to have a back-up idea as to who you should be. Nothing you've said or done surprises Him. He's known you from before the beginning. He's known all along what you would and wouldn't do. And from every experience He's given you the opportunity to learn and move closer to the blueprint.
You may look in the mirror and see nothing good. You may see years of mistakes. Years of hard living. Or maybe just years of mediocrity. Maybe you've done nothing wrong that would make headlines, but maybe you just haven't done your best. Maybe you've just floated by and kind of been tossed in the waves. Or maybe you're the one who has always done what everyone else wanted you to do. You became the doctor instead of the singer, or you work for your father's company when you wanted to do missions work. Whatever your situation, you look at your world and your circumstances, and you do not see how anything good or profound could come from your existence.
I'm going to share something to let you off the hook here.... You're not asked to see it all.
You're asked to look to Him for guidance and direction. To trust Him fully with your life. You're asked to believe His promises and to even test a few of them. To rest in His grace. To accept the gift of salvation and to simply do your best.
If you want to understand God's plan for you, may I suggest spending some time getting to know Him. I do. And I'm learning He's not really what I thought as a kid or younger adult. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a great earthly father. I had a good mother, but an absent father. My dad was a broken man. And so, the idea of what a good father really is hasn't been one I could easily grasp. But the more I study the promises, the more I lean into Him, the more I seek Him with regard to direction and decisions, the more humbled and grateful I become at the realization of how much He loves me.
No matter what I face each day, God is with me. No matter how foggy the future may seem, God is with me. He will always be with me. While I may try to run from Him, I cannot. While I may try to turn my back on Him, He will patiently await my return - standing by my side.
It is this understanding that will anchor me in the midst of the storms - regardless as to what may be the cause of the crushing waves. No matter what comes against me, or attempts to derail me from the plans of my Father, I am anchored. And I believe He has good plans. And I choose to rest in Him. Maybe you will, too.
Monday, July 12, 2010
PUSH!!
Raw thoughts from the following verse.... This is not refined.... And is choppy (in part thanks to the teens bouncing in and out of their room!) :)
Galatians 6:9
Do not let us grow tired of doing good; we shall reap a
splendid harvest at the proper time if we do not give up.
Every challenge we face in life has a purpose. And even the challenges we bring upon ourselves can be massaged by the hands of God to bring something good from it. Nothing that comes our direction is in vain.
The key is to learn from our experiences and to use them to figure out a way to help make someone else's journey brighter, make their load lighter, show them the love of God. That is the call on every Christian - to show the love of God to all; whether they deserve it or not.
God loves each of us as though we're the only one He loves. He designed us with our differences and our uniqueness for a purpose; yet we all have similar basic needs.
There are the physical needs: Shelter, food, water.... The emotional needs: Love, approval, affection, attention, adoration..... The Spiritual needs: A Savior.
Our job on this planet is to get as close to God as we can in order to undergo the changes within our own person necessary to meet these needs of those around us. We don't need to fight it. We need to accept it. God wants to use us to meet someone else in their broken state. He will meet us in our broken state and bring about the healing at whatever rate we'll allow. And through that healing we receive, we can share with others and encourage them, shine His light and love, and perhaps they will realize they need to move closer to God for their healing so they can continue the cycle.
One of the greatest things I'm finding in this journey as I move closer to God is that the more He heals me, the more I realize how broken I am. I also realize more and more daily that I cannot do this life without Him. I need Him. I'm developing a deeper understanding of the illusion of control the enemy places within us. And I'm beginning to accept the only thing in this world I can control is myself. And while I've argued that I can't control myself, I'm understanding that truly is all I can control. I cannot live this life blaming my responses, actions or reactions, thoughts, words, or emotions upon everyone else. I may not be able to do anything about a circumstance or a situation, but I can control how I react to it and my attitude about it.
I can't accelerate anyone's growth path. I can't save anyone from themselves. I don't own everyone else's emotional state. I don't own anyone else's happiness. I don't have a right to be disrespectful, but I'm not obligated to maintain someone else's emotions. That is their job.
I can't give anyone what they need to fill that hole inside.... That hole is the size of God and God alone. And HE is the one to fill it... It's His size for a reason. Because only He can bring the healing required for the wounds and scars created by this broken world in which we live.
The enemy is mighty, but he will not win. The forces that come against us are powerful, but not more powerful than our God. Darkness covers our world, but cannot keep the light from penetrating. We are protected. We are claimed. We are strengthened to keep fighting - not by our own power - by the power of God.
The tests and trials, the circumstances of preparation, the ramifications of our own missteps -- will wear us out, bring us down, make us want to quit. But as scripture tells us, we have to push through it. There is a greater purpose.
Philippians 3:14 (New International Version)
14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
You may never know why you endure what you endure. You may never fully understand the fruit of your actions. The important thing is to keep doing what you feel God has called you to do and trust Him to strengthen you for what may come against you; let Him fight the battles for you as He's promised to do. Do your part, and let God do His part. He won't do your part. But He will not leave you. Let Him use you....
Galatians 6:9
Do not let us grow tired of doing good; we shall reap a
splendid harvest at the proper time if we do not give up.
Every challenge we face in life has a purpose. And even the challenges we bring upon ourselves can be massaged by the hands of God to bring something good from it. Nothing that comes our direction is in vain.
The key is to learn from our experiences and to use them to figure out a way to help make someone else's journey brighter, make their load lighter, show them the love of God. That is the call on every Christian - to show the love of God to all; whether they deserve it or not.
God loves each of us as though we're the only one He loves. He designed us with our differences and our uniqueness for a purpose; yet we all have similar basic needs.
There are the physical needs: Shelter, food, water.... The emotional needs: Love, approval, affection, attention, adoration..... The Spiritual needs: A Savior.
Our job on this planet is to get as close to God as we can in order to undergo the changes within our own person necessary to meet these needs of those around us. We don't need to fight it. We need to accept it. God wants to use us to meet someone else in their broken state. He will meet us in our broken state and bring about the healing at whatever rate we'll allow. And through that healing we receive, we can share with others and encourage them, shine His light and love, and perhaps they will realize they need to move closer to God for their healing so they can continue the cycle.
One of the greatest things I'm finding in this journey as I move closer to God is that the more He heals me, the more I realize how broken I am. I also realize more and more daily that I cannot do this life without Him. I need Him. I'm developing a deeper understanding of the illusion of control the enemy places within us. And I'm beginning to accept the only thing in this world I can control is myself. And while I've argued that I can't control myself, I'm understanding that truly is all I can control. I cannot live this life blaming my responses, actions or reactions, thoughts, words, or emotions upon everyone else. I may not be able to do anything about a circumstance or a situation, but I can control how I react to it and my attitude about it.
I can't accelerate anyone's growth path. I can't save anyone from themselves. I don't own everyone else's emotional state. I don't own anyone else's happiness. I don't have a right to be disrespectful, but I'm not obligated to maintain someone else's emotions. That is their job.
I can't give anyone what they need to fill that hole inside.... That hole is the size of God and God alone. And HE is the one to fill it... It's His size for a reason. Because only He can bring the healing required for the wounds and scars created by this broken world in which we live.
The enemy is mighty, but he will not win. The forces that come against us are powerful, but not more powerful than our God. Darkness covers our world, but cannot keep the light from penetrating. We are protected. We are claimed. We are strengthened to keep fighting - not by our own power - by the power of God.
The tests and trials, the circumstances of preparation, the ramifications of our own missteps -- will wear us out, bring us down, make us want to quit. But as scripture tells us, we have to push through it. There is a greater purpose.
Philippians 3:14 (New International Version)
14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
You may never know why you endure what you endure. You may never fully understand the fruit of your actions. The important thing is to keep doing what you feel God has called you to do and trust Him to strengthen you for what may come against you; let Him fight the battles for you as He's promised to do. Do your part, and let God do His part. He won't do your part. But He will not leave you. Let Him use you....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Blueprint....
Don't you just love conviction?! I'm not talking about condemnation. That's different. That isn't of God. That is the enemy keeping you in that feeling of guilt for something God will forgive you. That is the enemy using a mistake, poor judgment, loss of self-control - whatever contributed to disobedience - to keep you separated from God. When we live in condemnation, we fear God's wrath. We forget about His love. We run from Him and not to Him. We believe Satan's lies that God won't forgive us, that He's angry with us, that we are nothing and we are unworthy, that God cannot use us. We're damaged beyond repair. We're junk.
Conviction, on the other hand, is that moment where it may feel as though God smacked you in the forehead with a two-by-four, and then touched your head and healed it. That moment when you know you can no longer hide or plead ignorance, because God has clearly made you understand something you've been struggling to comprehend. He's separated the gray into what it is - black and white.
I felt a two-by-four this morning. The vehicle? The story of the Good Samaritan. For those of you who know the story, you might skip the next section. For those of you who don't, please read it first. It will help you understand the remainder of ramblings for this entry...
Luke 10:25-37 (New International Version)
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b]"
28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."
I'm quite sure that each time I read or hear this, I could have a different "awakening" with something else God wants to reveal; just on a deeper level than the previous study. And I'm quite sure that all of us can read this passage, and if we've asked God to reveal something, He'd show each of us something important. Let me share my two-by-four...
I've been feeling the fog lately, and for my Kansas friends, I'm not talking about The Phog as in Phog Allen Fieldhouse. :) I'm talking about the fog.... when you make an attempt to understand your vision for the future and can't really see past your own arm. I blogged on it the other day. My employment status is about to change. The direction of my service is changing. I'm in that limbo where God gets really quiet and attempts to teach again that lesson of total reliance and trust upon Him.
My "faith" brain knows I'm in good hands and that all will work out as it should; that He has a good plan for my life and He will not be late. My "flesh" brain tends to pay closer attention to the way things look here in the natural realm. The flesh brain has a quite annoying, slant toward focusing on the whispers of the enemy and then gets all tizzified. (New word, sweet!) And when the flesh brain adheres itself to the false truths of the enemy, anxiety begins to infect everything else; which in turn affects everything inside and begins to flow out of me.
Anyone who knows me well, or who has followed many of these rants, knows that the majority of my life I had two emotions: hysterical, unexplainable laughter or anger. If it didn't fit the category of funny, then the reaction from me was anger. If I'm scared, I become angry. If I'm worried, I become angry. Sleepy = angry. Hungry = angry.... You get the picture.
Over the past several years, I've finally come into agreement with God to allow Him to reveal things to me so that I can allow Him to change this. I'm no where near the vessel of peace, light and love I want to be. But I am getting better. And I am moving closer to understanding the original root of this reaction.... Control. Laughter I can control. If someone cracks me up, I can let that flow freely. But all of those other things seem (for me) to represent things that are outside my control. Situations, people, circumstances I can do nothing about. The outcome isn't evident and the opportunity for something painful exists. Rather than take a chance to enjoy the experience and teaching for whatever it may be, to find God's beauty within it, I shove that below and release anger that I can't manipulate things for something less uncomfortable - even though God's beauty may be inside of it. Hope I've delivered that in a way that makes sense....
I've been asking God to just keep chiseling away at the crusty casing upon my heart; to keep revealing things to me so that I can follow His lead into whatever He's designed next. I've been thanking Him that He has a plan, that He's lining things up, that He's putting the right people in my path. I thank Him that I have His favor, that He is using me in spite of what the enemy tries to tell me.
Anyway, I've also been confessing to Him that while I know He's in control, my flesh continues to stand in the way sometimes. I get ahead of myself and start playing scenarios in my head like trailers for upcoming feature flicks.... And I have to be honest, most of them aren't comedies. I wouldn't even call them thrillers where the good guy wins in the end. They are horror flicks. There is a scary, psychotic monster chasing me with the sole purpose of preventing me from ever rising higher.
While I sit and worry about the future and what I will do next, while I pray for God to reveal to me the path and shine His light upon it, while I ask Him to continue lifting me when I stumble, to continue dusting me off, I sit in anxiety not knowing what I am to do now, much less in a month, three months, six months, etc. I feel a strong sense that sitting idly by in the apartment and waiting for that knock on the door isn't the answer. But I don't really know my direction. I don't know what kind of jobs to search. I don't know who will take a chance on a Biology major with a business background, but no accounting. I'm in the fog. I can't see in front of me. My eyes are open wide, but I'm blind.
Now, the two-by-four.... I am to "go and do likewise." (Luke 10:37) I am to show grace and mercy to my neighbor - whomever that might be. From family to strangers, everyone I encounter is a neighbor. If there is a need and I can meet it, I am to meet it. Granted, there's an entire balance thing that comes into play with this. But the real understanding and the real message for me is to meet the needs as they are presented. To be the hands and feet. To shine the light. To be the only Jesus some may ever know. To serve. To embrace interruptions and things that move me from MY plans as they quite likely originate in His plans. If I want to become the woman He's designed me to become, I must continue meeting the needs of others - not from a perspective of controlling outcomes, situations, people, circumstances. Trust me, those who worry about Superman returning, that's not what I mean. But I do mean following God's call and being a servant wherever He leads in whatever capacity that may be.
How? Being observant. Paying attention. Keeping my heart open. Putting others first - not neglecting myself with regard to needs or things that will keep me healthy, but materially putting others before myself. Removing anger as an emotional option (with God's help, of course). Changing my perspective on events and pausing first to ask myself if the task before me might have eternal benefits. Is this temporary derailment from my plans going to create an opening to shine God's light and love? If so, I'd probably be wise to act accordingly. Removing the junk in my life - negative things, things that weigh heavy upon my heart or mind, things that might be a portal for the enemy, things that might tempt me to place them before God.
We each have a blueprint. We will not be whole and perfect this side of Heaven. But we do have an opportunity to move toward that design. We have the option to choose to allow God to continue His work in our hearts to repair the damage done in this world by people, events, sickness, tragedies.... Things will happen in this world, and we will have scars from hurts. But God can restore us - IF we let Him. And if we do let Him, we can continue to grow and move toward that blueprint He holds...
What is God asking you to do in order to move closer to the design? Is He asking you to sacrifice something you think is "fun", yet is tearing you up inside? Is He asking you to let go of friendships that serve as roadblocks to development? Is He asking you to stop participating in gossip sessions about others that serve no purpose other than to tear someone down? Is He asking you to challenge yourself to show more mercy, grace, forgiveness, kindness, love? Is He asking you to change the channel on the TV, move the dial on the radio and fill yourself during those "mindless moments" with something uplifting and encouraging, with His Word, vs the junk of the world? Is He asking you to take that step and find a church home? Or to begin believing in His Son?
Sometimes, silence speaks volumes. Sometimes, the writing upon the wall isn't gray, it's red. Sometimes, the fog is to heighten your other senses and bring awareness to the obvious; even though you'd swear you can't see it.
Revelation 3:20 (New International Version)
20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
He's knocking at your door. Maybe He's been there for awhile. He has things He wants to teach you, things He wants to share. Will you let Him in?
Conviction, on the other hand, is that moment where it may feel as though God smacked you in the forehead with a two-by-four, and then touched your head and healed it. That moment when you know you can no longer hide or plead ignorance, because God has clearly made you understand something you've been struggling to comprehend. He's separated the gray into what it is - black and white.
I felt a two-by-four this morning. The vehicle? The story of the Good Samaritan. For those of you who know the story, you might skip the next section. For those of you who don't, please read it first. It will help you understand the remainder of ramblings for this entry...
Luke 10:25-37 (New International Version)
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b]"
28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."
I'm quite sure that each time I read or hear this, I could have a different "awakening" with something else God wants to reveal; just on a deeper level than the previous study. And I'm quite sure that all of us can read this passage, and if we've asked God to reveal something, He'd show each of us something important. Let me share my two-by-four...
I've been feeling the fog lately, and for my Kansas friends, I'm not talking about The Phog as in Phog Allen Fieldhouse. :) I'm talking about the fog.... when you make an attempt to understand your vision for the future and can't really see past your own arm. I blogged on it the other day. My employment status is about to change. The direction of my service is changing. I'm in that limbo where God gets really quiet and attempts to teach again that lesson of total reliance and trust upon Him.
My "faith" brain knows I'm in good hands and that all will work out as it should; that He has a good plan for my life and He will not be late. My "flesh" brain tends to pay closer attention to the way things look here in the natural realm. The flesh brain has a quite annoying, slant toward focusing on the whispers of the enemy and then gets all tizzified. (New word, sweet!) And when the flesh brain adheres itself to the false truths of the enemy, anxiety begins to infect everything else; which in turn affects everything inside and begins to flow out of me.
Anyone who knows me well, or who has followed many of these rants, knows that the majority of my life I had two emotions: hysterical, unexplainable laughter or anger. If it didn't fit the category of funny, then the reaction from me was anger. If I'm scared, I become angry. If I'm worried, I become angry. Sleepy = angry. Hungry = angry.... You get the picture.
Over the past several years, I've finally come into agreement with God to allow Him to reveal things to me so that I can allow Him to change this. I'm no where near the vessel of peace, light and love I want to be. But I am getting better. And I am moving closer to understanding the original root of this reaction.... Control. Laughter I can control. If someone cracks me up, I can let that flow freely. But all of those other things seem (for me) to represent things that are outside my control. Situations, people, circumstances I can do nothing about. The outcome isn't evident and the opportunity for something painful exists. Rather than take a chance to enjoy the experience and teaching for whatever it may be, to find God's beauty within it, I shove that below and release anger that I can't manipulate things for something less uncomfortable - even though God's beauty may be inside of it. Hope I've delivered that in a way that makes sense....
I've been asking God to just keep chiseling away at the crusty casing upon my heart; to keep revealing things to me so that I can follow His lead into whatever He's designed next. I've been thanking Him that He has a plan, that He's lining things up, that He's putting the right people in my path. I thank Him that I have His favor, that He is using me in spite of what the enemy tries to tell me.
Anyway, I've also been confessing to Him that while I know He's in control, my flesh continues to stand in the way sometimes. I get ahead of myself and start playing scenarios in my head like trailers for upcoming feature flicks.... And I have to be honest, most of them aren't comedies. I wouldn't even call them thrillers where the good guy wins in the end. They are horror flicks. There is a scary, psychotic monster chasing me with the sole purpose of preventing me from ever rising higher.
While I sit and worry about the future and what I will do next, while I pray for God to reveal to me the path and shine His light upon it, while I ask Him to continue lifting me when I stumble, to continue dusting me off, I sit in anxiety not knowing what I am to do now, much less in a month, three months, six months, etc. I feel a strong sense that sitting idly by in the apartment and waiting for that knock on the door isn't the answer. But I don't really know my direction. I don't know what kind of jobs to search. I don't know who will take a chance on a Biology major with a business background, but no accounting. I'm in the fog. I can't see in front of me. My eyes are open wide, but I'm blind.
Now, the two-by-four.... I am to "go and do likewise." (Luke 10:37) I am to show grace and mercy to my neighbor - whomever that might be. From family to strangers, everyone I encounter is a neighbor. If there is a need and I can meet it, I am to meet it. Granted, there's an entire balance thing that comes into play with this. But the real understanding and the real message for me is to meet the needs as they are presented. To be the hands and feet. To shine the light. To be the only Jesus some may ever know. To serve. To embrace interruptions and things that move me from MY plans as they quite likely originate in His plans. If I want to become the woman He's designed me to become, I must continue meeting the needs of others - not from a perspective of controlling outcomes, situations, people, circumstances. Trust me, those who worry about Superman returning, that's not what I mean. But I do mean following God's call and being a servant wherever He leads in whatever capacity that may be.
How? Being observant. Paying attention. Keeping my heart open. Putting others first - not neglecting myself with regard to needs or things that will keep me healthy, but materially putting others before myself. Removing anger as an emotional option (with God's help, of course). Changing my perspective on events and pausing first to ask myself if the task before me might have eternal benefits. Is this temporary derailment from my plans going to create an opening to shine God's light and love? If so, I'd probably be wise to act accordingly. Removing the junk in my life - negative things, things that weigh heavy upon my heart or mind, things that might be a portal for the enemy, things that might tempt me to place them before God.
We each have a blueprint. We will not be whole and perfect this side of Heaven. But we do have an opportunity to move toward that design. We have the option to choose to allow God to continue His work in our hearts to repair the damage done in this world by people, events, sickness, tragedies.... Things will happen in this world, and we will have scars from hurts. But God can restore us - IF we let Him. And if we do let Him, we can continue to grow and move toward that blueprint He holds...
What is God asking you to do in order to move closer to the design? Is He asking you to sacrifice something you think is "fun", yet is tearing you up inside? Is He asking you to let go of friendships that serve as roadblocks to development? Is He asking you to stop participating in gossip sessions about others that serve no purpose other than to tear someone down? Is He asking you to challenge yourself to show more mercy, grace, forgiveness, kindness, love? Is He asking you to change the channel on the TV, move the dial on the radio and fill yourself during those "mindless moments" with something uplifting and encouraging, with His Word, vs the junk of the world? Is He asking you to take that step and find a church home? Or to begin believing in His Son?
Sometimes, silence speaks volumes. Sometimes, the writing upon the wall isn't gray, it's red. Sometimes, the fog is to heighten your other senses and bring awareness to the obvious; even though you'd swear you can't see it.
Revelation 3:20 (New International Version)
20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
He's knocking at your door. Maybe He's been there for awhile. He has things He wants to teach you, things He wants to share. Will you let Him in?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
"....never forsake you...."
Deuteronomy 31:6Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:8The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Joshua 1:5No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Hebrews 13:5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:8The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Joshua 1:5No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Hebrews 13:5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Feel the breeze?
I've been dealing with a bit of anxiety lately. Happens to the best of us. I'm standing in a fog right now. It's one of those thick fogs where the air can be cut with a knife and your skin feels wet. I can't see much more than the length of my own arm. I have a pending term date coming with my current company and the whispers from the enemy have grown louder than the truth in recent days.
Last week, I didn't take the time I needed each day to fill myself with the promises of our Father. I didn't listen to one sermon podcast until the weekend and I didn't read a single devotional. I spent my time flitting from this to that, refereeing teen bickering, and participating in my own fair share of scuffles. The anxiety grew. The tensions mounted. The sadness became heavy. There is a reason for that.
Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version)
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Countering the enemy happens when we fill the spaces in our lives with God's promises and His Word. Speaking the promises in faith unleashes the armies of God. When we don't, we open the door for battles, fatigue. We open the door for doubt and anxiety. We open the door for inner strife which spills over into every aspect of our lives. It affects everyone we touch.
The winds of change are blowing as I stand motionless in this fog. I do not know where God is leading me. I believe I am where I am for a purpose. I believe I'm connected and reconnected with folks for a reason. I trust God will provide as He's demonstrated in the past year He is and will remain faithful. And He is never late.
I have a choice. To enjoy the breeze and the quiet time while God prepares my heart for what's next, or to fight it, to wallow around in worry and anxiety, questioning everything and trying to reason my own future. That breeze is much more peaceful.
Last week, I didn't take the time I needed each day to fill myself with the promises of our Father. I didn't listen to one sermon podcast until the weekend and I didn't read a single devotional. I spent my time flitting from this to that, refereeing teen bickering, and participating in my own fair share of scuffles. The anxiety grew. The tensions mounted. The sadness became heavy. There is a reason for that.
Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version)
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Countering the enemy happens when we fill the spaces in our lives with God's promises and His Word. Speaking the promises in faith unleashes the armies of God. When we don't, we open the door for battles, fatigue. We open the door for doubt and anxiety. We open the door for inner strife which spills over into every aspect of our lives. It affects everyone we touch.
The winds of change are blowing as I stand motionless in this fog. I do not know where God is leading me. I believe I am where I am for a purpose. I believe I'm connected and reconnected with folks for a reason. I trust God will provide as He's demonstrated in the past year He is and will remain faithful. And He is never late.
I have a choice. To enjoy the breeze and the quiet time while God prepares my heart for what's next, or to fight it, to wallow around in worry and anxiety, questioning everything and trying to reason my own future. That breeze is much more peaceful.
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