The Blueprint....

Don't you just love conviction?! I'm not talking about condemnation. That's different. That isn't of God. That is the enemy keeping you in that feeling of guilt for something God will forgive you. That is the enemy using a mistake, poor judgment, loss of self-control - whatever contributed to disobedience - to keep you separated from God. When we live in condemnation, we fear God's wrath. We forget about His love. We run from Him and not to Him. We believe Satan's lies that God won't forgive us, that He's angry with us, that we are nothing and we are unworthy, that God cannot use us. We're damaged beyond repair. We're junk.

Conviction, on the other hand, is that moment where it may feel as though God smacked you in the forehead with a two-by-four, and then touched your head and healed it. That moment when you know you can no longer hide or plead ignorance, because God has clearly made you understand something you've been struggling to comprehend. He's separated the gray into what it is - black and white.

I felt a two-by-four this morning. The vehicle? The story of the Good Samaritan. For those of you who know the story, you might skip the next section. For those of you who don't, please read it first. It will help you understand the remainder of ramblings for this entry...

Luke 10:25-37 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b]"

28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

I'm quite sure that each time I read or hear this, I could have a different "awakening" with something else God wants to reveal; just on a deeper level than the previous study. And I'm quite sure that all of us can read this passage, and if we've asked God to reveal something, He'd show each of us something important. Let me share my two-by-four...

I've been feeling the fog lately, and for my Kansas friends, I'm not talking about The Phog as in Phog Allen Fieldhouse. :) I'm talking about the fog.... when you make an attempt to understand your vision for the future and can't really see past your own arm. I blogged on it the other day. My employment status is about to change. The direction of my service is changing. I'm in that limbo where God gets really quiet and attempts to teach again that lesson of total reliance and trust upon Him.

My "faith" brain knows I'm in good hands and that all will work out as it should; that He has a good plan for my life and He will not be late. My "flesh" brain tends to pay closer attention to the way things look here in the natural realm. The flesh brain has a quite annoying, slant toward focusing on the whispers of the enemy and then gets all tizzified. (New word, sweet!) And when the flesh brain adheres itself to the false truths of the enemy, anxiety begins to infect everything else; which in turn affects everything inside and begins to flow out of me.

Anyone who knows me well, or who has followed many of these rants, knows that the majority of my life I had two emotions: hysterical, unexplainable laughter or anger. If it didn't fit the category of funny, then the reaction from me was anger. If I'm scared, I become angry. If I'm worried, I become angry. Sleepy = angry. Hungry = angry.... You get the picture.

Over the past several years, I've finally come into agreement with God to allow Him to reveal things to me so that I can allow Him to change this. I'm no where near the vessel of peace, light and love I want to be. But I am getting better. And I am moving closer to understanding the original root of this reaction.... Control. Laughter I can control. If someone cracks me up, I can let that flow freely. But all of those other things seem (for me) to represent things that are outside my control. Situations, people, circumstances I can do nothing about. The outcome isn't evident and the opportunity for something painful exists. Rather than take a chance to enjoy the experience and teaching for whatever it may be, to find God's beauty within it, I shove that below and release anger that I can't manipulate things for something less uncomfortable - even though God's beauty may be inside of it. Hope I've delivered that in a way that makes sense....

I've been asking God to just keep chiseling away at the crusty casing upon my heart; to keep revealing things to me so that I can follow His lead into whatever He's designed next. I've been thanking Him that He has a plan, that He's lining things up, that He's putting the right people in my path. I thank Him that I have His favor, that He is using me in spite of what the enemy tries to tell me.

Anyway, I've also been confessing to Him that while I know He's in control, my flesh continues to stand in the way sometimes. I get ahead of myself and start playing scenarios in my head like trailers for upcoming feature flicks.... And I have to be honest, most of them aren't comedies. I wouldn't even call them thrillers where the good guy wins in the end. They are horror flicks. There is a scary, psychotic monster chasing me with the sole purpose of preventing me from ever rising higher.

While I sit and worry about the future and what I will do next, while I pray for God to reveal to me the path and shine His light upon it, while I ask Him to continue lifting me when I stumble, to continue dusting me off, I sit in anxiety not knowing what I am to do now, much less in a month, three months, six months, etc. I feel a strong sense that sitting idly by in the apartment and waiting for that knock on the door isn't the answer. But I don't really know my direction. I don't know what kind of jobs to search. I don't know who will take a chance on a Biology major with a business background, but no accounting. I'm in the fog. I can't see in front of me. My eyes are open wide, but I'm blind.


Now, the two-by-four.... I am to "go and do likewise." (Luke 10:37) I am to show grace and mercy to my neighbor - whomever that might be. From family to strangers, everyone I encounter is a neighbor. If there is a need and I can meet it, I am to meet it. Granted, there's an entire balance thing that comes into play with this. But the real understanding and the real message for me is to meet the needs as they are presented. To be the hands and feet. To shine the light. To be the only Jesus some may ever know. To serve. To embrace interruptions and things that move me from MY plans as they quite likely originate in His plans. If I want to become the woman He's designed me to become, I must continue meeting the needs of others - not from a perspective of controlling outcomes, situations, people, circumstances. Trust me, those who worry about Superman returning, that's not what I mean. But I do mean following God's call and being a servant wherever He leads in whatever capacity that may be.

How? Being observant. Paying attention. Keeping my heart open. Putting others first - not neglecting myself with regard to needs or things that will keep me healthy, but materially putting others before myself. Removing anger as an emotional option (with God's help, of course). Changing my perspective on events and pausing first to ask myself if the task before me might have eternal benefits. Is this temporary derailment from my plans going to create an opening to shine God's light and love? If so, I'd probably be wise to act accordingly. Removing the junk in my life - negative things, things that weigh heavy upon my heart or mind, things that might be a portal for the enemy, things that might tempt me to place them before God.

We each have a blueprint. We will not be whole and perfect this side of Heaven. But we do have an opportunity to move toward that design. We have the option to choose to allow God to continue His work in our hearts to repair the damage done in this world by people, events, sickness, tragedies.... Things will happen in this world, and we will have scars from hurts. But God can restore us - IF we let Him. And if we do let Him, we can continue to grow and move toward that blueprint He holds...

What is God asking you to do in order to move closer to the design? Is He asking you to sacrifice something you think is "fun", yet is tearing you up inside? Is He asking you to let go of friendships that serve as roadblocks to development? Is He asking you to stop participating in gossip sessions about others that serve no purpose other than to tear someone down? Is He asking you to challenge yourself to show more mercy, grace, forgiveness, kindness, love? Is He asking you to change the channel on the TV, move the dial on the radio and fill yourself during those "mindless moments" with something uplifting and encouraging, with His Word, vs the junk of the world? Is He asking you to take that step and find a church home? Or to begin believing in His Son?

Sometimes, silence speaks volumes. Sometimes, the writing upon the wall isn't gray, it's red. Sometimes, the fog is to heighten your other senses and bring awareness to the obvious; even though you'd swear you can't see it.

Revelation 3:20 (New International Version)
20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

He's knocking at your door. Maybe He's been there for awhile. He has things He wants to teach you, things He wants to share. Will you let Him in?