Heart Condition

For the past couple of days I've been in a funk. Just felt "off." I can't really explain it in great detail. Just that feeling, you know, that something isn't quite right. I've felt very restless, impatient, frustrated and agitated. And today, I think I discovered the problem. I have a heart condition.

Before you freak out, let me define this for you. I am compelled by the heart God gave me to share the Gospel with others. Why the Gospel? Because it is my strength. God is my source and the Promises in His Word are my direction and my hope in this broken world. Why is this a heart condition? I can't shake it. I have an undeniable compassion for the broken. And I myself am broken. So, I journey with God discovering His truths and find His peace, strength, grace, unconditional love, hope, future..... And I want other broken people to find that as well.

I became involved in a conversation today where my sharing this strength illuminated this heart condition. And I found myself pondering my own beliefs. What DO I believe?

Here's a quick, not necessarily all-inclusive, list I unearthed while putting dishes away:

1. God is the Creator.
2. God gave us free will.
3. We failed God.
4. God reconciled us to Him through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.
5. Jesus is our measuring stick.
6. I should tell people about Him.
7. He'll be back.

I'm sure I believe other things regarding God, Jesus and all..... but these are the first that come to mind.

Does this mean everyone will believe the same way I do? See #2. Should I go around shoving my beliefs down other people's throats? No way! Should I condemn them and tell them they are wrong and will go to hell? No. That's half the reason people don't like Christians as it is...

I can display my beliefs through my actions and my attempt to follow Christ. I can share the truths I've found in the Word of God. I can lead by example of my faith sharing with anyone who is curious enough to listen as I grow closer to the One who put me here. I won't be timid and shy about my Source. I can't. I have a heart condition. :)

I believe we're all on an individual journey and it will take some longer than others to reach their beliefs. I believe that Christianity can be reasoned away with the way the church has acted for many years and with intellect. And I don't find my faith is rooted in either. My faith isn't because of the church and it sure isn't because of my smarts!

My faith was introduced to me in a church setting. But even I walked away from that. I found myself in a place where I no longer belonged. And I was welcomed only if I'd behave a certain way, hang with certain people, date certain boys. If I missed any of these "rules" I discovered in my teenage years, I wouldn't be a good Christian. And I found myself doubting the lessons I'd learned.

Through my "advanced" learning years (aka College), I drifted a bit farther from God. I questioned a lot of things as broader history was set before me. And I wondered how the church could claim to be so perfect? And I wondered what else was out there. But I tucked Jesus away, just in case.

It wasn't until recently, even within the past five years, I truly discovered an actual relationship with God and began a journey to mature spiritually. I wanted to know God as intimately as He desires to know me. Sure, intellectually all kinds of questions arise from that statement alone. But this isn't about opening an intellectual debate. This is about sharing with you what filled the void in my life.

I began praying as a form of conversation rather than requests. After some time, I began investigating things on my own in the Bible and reading the verses for myself. I broadened my exposure to some pretty famous teachers and preachers and I tested what I'd uncovered based upon their most frequent messages. My faith is increased through my study, worship and relationship with God. It's not an intellect thing. It's a heart thing. I can't explain to you on an intellectual level why I know the things I know. I just do. And that drives some crazy. It did me for years.

I can't necessarily eloquently argue theology. I can't pick up the Bible and flip a few pages and put my finger on a verse to counter what's just been argued to me - yet. :) But I can give you example after example of times in my life I faced impossible odds, trials that I was sure would crush me, unspeakable pain, and God pulled me through. I have no other explanation for it. God is the answer for me. His grace and His mercy. His unconditional love. It's what makes sense to me.

I thank you for taking the time to open your heart and hear my story as it unfolds here in this public arena. I thank you for taking the time to consider this perspective. I encourage you to invite others as well. And I pray for you as you travel your journey to unravel yourself to find your core and your strength. May God's favor be upon you, and may you be blessed.

Jeani