"To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there's the rub."

I was ready for sleep at 8 PM tonight.... It's almost 1 AM. I'm obviously awake. :)

I think the quote from Hamlet I used for my title will be burned into my brain forever. Along with the memory of Mrs. Palmer's English class, some song I was assigned to sing that I promptly changed into a rap - with shades and all. I'm sure Shakespeare would have been proud! (Excuse the sarcasm!)

I posted the following on my facebook status this evening, before I was about to call it a day:

Our time here is but a blink. Use it wisely. Forgive quickly. Love deeply. Laugh. Cry when you need to. Laugh again. Be a blessing to everyone you meet. Allow yourself to accept God's healing, God's plans, and God's timing. This isn't the end. There is no end. There is just "next." And next is good! Be ready.

It's where I'm at. It's a place I've been for close to a year now. Event after event continues to occur through which the overall lessons behind the words in that paragraph are engraved just as deep as the Hamlet quote. My view is shifting. My focus is shifting. My desires and my wants are shifting.

I'm beginning to embrace some things on a spiritual level I've known intellectually for many, many years. And I hope with this embrace action soon follows and change is inevitable.

This life isn't about me and all I can achieve. It isn't about job titles, job status, monetary achievements. It isn't about how many friends I can amass on the facebook wall. It's not about how many good deeds I can accomplish. How many pats on the back I can garner.

This life is about to whom can I show Christ? How many can I bless with what God has given to me?

I sit in this room and look around at the "stuff." In some areas, there is over-abundance; we are lacking in others. However, at the end of the day, none if it is really "ours." We wouldn't have any of it if God didn't provide a way for us to get it. Things we purchased we did so with God's money. Things that were given to us we acquired as God moved those people's hearts with His grace to bless us.

We are stewards in this life with God's resources. I find myself considering more often than not, "What am I doing with God's stuff?"

His Word - Am I sharing it? Am I living it? Am I singing it? Am I praying it? Am I studying it? Am I applying it?

His Promises - Am I believing them? Am I expecting them? Am I sharing them?

His Love - Am I embracing it? Am I receiving it? Am I giving it?

His Light - Am I basking in it? Am I resting in it? Am I shining it?

His Grace - Am I accepting it? Am I living in it? Am I practicing it?

His Forgiveness - Am I taking it? Am I displaying it?

I'm sure I could continue this list. And I'm wise enough to know that I will never be fully like Christ.... Not here anyway. But my goal should be to move myself and my growth continuum more toward His example each day. Do what I can in my strength and allow God to do what I cannot with His strength.

We never know when our work here is finished. We never know when someone else's choices or free will can impact our own destiny. We find ourselves questioning His plan, His timing, His reasons. We struggle to understand when a life ends the meaning, the message, the purpose.

As I dig into God's Word, and as I continually develop my relationship with Him, the revelations appearing before me are simple in their statement, but difficult to apply.

"Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

Cancer is ugly. It is a wasting disease that tears down not only the person in whom it resides, but also each life touched by the afflicted. Some, by the grace of God through medicine, grit and determination, are allowed more time here with us. Others may walk the same trail with the same level of medicine, grit and determination, yet they are called home. There is no rhyme or reason. There is no explanation why some things work on some, but don't on others. There is no explanation why some have a short battle, while others feel as though they're trudging through heavy mud.

The fact remains God is in control. God has promised each life has a plan and a purpose. We are His children. We belong to Him. He will not allow the things of this earth to crush us. He will never abandon us. He is always by our side. He will carry us when we are too weak to stand. And when He's finished our mansion, and we've done our job, He'll call us home to be with Him forever.

This doesn't make loss hurt less. It doesn't mean I don't grieve when someone can no longer be with us here. It does help give me hope. It does help me rejoice for that person. It does make me understand the assignment here is complete and a promotion has occurred. And it does remind me that some day all believers will forever rejoice and worship our Heavenly Father basking in His glory for all time.

I can't stop God's plan. I can't keep people here when He says it's time. But I can do my best to make sure I do what He's called me to do. I can do my best to be the best example of His Son I can be. I can be a blessing to others. I can shine His light. I can be a willing tool in His hands. I can share His love, His grace, and His forgiveness. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Grieve. It's okay. It's expected and it's part of the healing. It takes time. Some longer than others. Remember, God has a plan for us too. We're still here.

Be blessed!

Need to Move

Ha! Don't get excited anyone.... I'm not talking about my residence. God has planted us in Nashville right now for many reasons. The one most obvious is Jourdan Taylor. When you're a 13 year old, you're stuck in that season of wanting the respect of an adult, but the responsibilities of a small child. You want your "fair say" in everything and you want everyone to know what you know. You're smarter than anyone else anyway. :) But you don't want to be held accountable for your actions, the mean-spirited words that fly out of your mouth, you don't want to use self-control, you don't want to be responsible and you do not like correction. You want desperately to grow up while simultaneously remaining a child.

Come to think of it, I know some adults stuck here. :)

And you need your momma.

I don't doubt for a second that if Jourdan were the only reason we came back to Nashville, it wouldn't be enough. It's a clear assignment and it's an important one. I'm finding as I navigate my own spiritual growth and emotional maturity parenting is one of the most important roles on the planet. Parents affect our future. What you teach kids today, determines how they behave tomorrow. It's quite a responsibility to think of it this way...

I could go on about that, but there's more.

Regardless where we live, I believe God would be using this time in my life to force me to get involved. I am feeling an undeniable call to action. And yet I continue to stutter around and stammer about it. I feel the need to "move" but don't really yet understand the direction. I have ideas popping into my head daily about ways to bless others. But don't know how to carry them out. I see the obstacles before me - limited resources, family commitments, target population, location, church home......

I find myself focusing on ways to "solve" these problems and move these mountains myself instead of simply trusting the Father to do that. I don't really feel qualified to "start something new" with my own strength. I can run down the list of my own inadequacies. These will roll off my tongue without effort. And that leads me to a question of conviction: Who is my God?

Do I not trust, after all God has displayed, the Father who places these ideas upon my heart to bring them to pass? Do I not trust that the Creator of the Universe who knows my name and can turn off the sun if He chose can provide unlimited resources in exchange for simple faith and obedience? Do I not trust that Father God who sacrificed His Son to save my eternal life won't equip me with every time management skill, organizational skill, speaking ability, etc. necessary to further His Kingdom in all that He calls me to do? Do I believe the promises, or don't I?

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

John 15:16 (NIV) "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit -- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV) "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Now, to begin.... stay tuned!

Be blessed,

Jeani

Broken

So many things have me so frustrated right now on so many different levels. It seems the news only intensifies these emotions and multiplies my questions. Since I was very young, I've used journaling to "clear my head" and help me sort through thoughts and make things manageable. This blog is nothing more than a transparent attempt to do this; and I'm inviting you to the journey.

WARNING: The following thoughts are simply that. And they are mine. Some are not yet well developed. No offense is ever intended. I'm simply revealing my mind, the process and journey I'm currently on as I sift through the emotions and questions God has clearly put before me. I thank you for respecting this.

Where are we headed?? Our country is in a mess. Our leaders are deadlocked on issues simply because the "party" wants this or that. We've polarized our country. Republicans think they are morally right. Democrats think they are morally right. Who is right?

For me, that would be Jesus. At the risk of having fingers pointed my direction, let me share what I've learned. Integrity. Honesty. Humility. Responsibility. Accountability. Compassion. Love. These are the Principles of Christ. Where did they go in this country? And which party embraces them?

Why are all of our decisions based upon the bottom line? Why aren't they based upon the good of our country?

Why do we criticize solutions without offering an alternative? Have we learned this from our leaders?

Why have our systems become unnavigable? So many twists, turns, loop-holes and exceptions. No wonder our countrymen are confused.

Who decides to what we are entitled?

Why is the right to bear arms more important than the right to medical care?

Why should our senior citizens who worked their 30+ years before retirement have to decide whether or not they eat or they buy their life-saving medicines?

Why are we on so much medication?

Why are foster care children removed from their families and placed with strangers (while some are very loving, some are not) when they have family who wants them? Why aren't parents putting their children first in the first place?

Why do we know about limited resources, yet we continue to use them as though we are ignorant to this fact?

Why do medicines cost mere dollars to manufacture, but thousands to keep us alive? Why are we on so much medicine?

Why is it more important to amass wealth and power at the expense of other people's livelihoods?

How do we decide who is qualified to receive our charity?

Who "deserves" Christ's saving grace and redemptive love?

God is doing a work on me. He's moving me to a point I've never been in my life. I don't feel as though I can sit idly by and just watch things unfold, all the while protecting "my corner." What is "my corner" anyway? Is it just myself? Is it just my family? Family. Who is my family? Immediate as in blood relatives? Living in my home? People I love? Brothers and sisters in Christ?

I don't know what God is about to do. But He's stirring in me so powerfully I am not okay with a sideline seat. I feel like I need to get into the game. But I'm not yet sure who's game or how. I'm not okay with what I'm seeing unravel here, I can vouch for that.

Our leaders have forgotten themselves. They aren't listening to us anymore. Personal and party agendas are rampant. And it's not working.

Our children (granted, not all) aren't motivated. They are content with doing nothing. They have more knowledge of the world and recycling than we ever did at their age. Yet many ignore it. Why? Because we do. (Again, not all of us). Our kids are okay with sitting at the TV or the computer and snacking all day. Why? That's what we do. (Again, not all of us). And if we're not doing it, yet we're allowing them to do it, we are doing them a grave disservice.

We have people who are unemployed who desperately want to work; yet can't find a job. We have people who have never wanted to work anyway. And unfortunately the ones who do want to work are being judged with the goggles we use to see the other set of unemployed folks.

We have people who are working more than one job to make ends meet who still can't feed their kids properly; they are doing their best.

We have people who have insurance available to them but don't take advantage of it because the little bit out of their check (or a lot, in some cases) determines whether or not they have gas to even get to work and whether or not they have 2 meals a day or just one.

We have people who have worked all of their lives and will never have money to retire.

Is there no way we can help any of them? Are we so far gone that we believe "fend for yourself" is the right philosophy? What happened to "teach a man to fish?"

I'm no longer okay doing nothing. I don't yet know what I'm going to do. I don't yet know where God is going to lead. I know when it's right, He will open the doors and light the path I am to walk to make a difference. I fully trust in Him and know His way will be the right way.

I don't know how, but I have to do something. I have to take what I'm learning in my walk with God and share it with others. I have to find a way to contribute using the resources and talent I have in a balanced way. I have to meet the needs of my family God has blessed me with, and impact the lives of others giving them hope as well. I have to teach others to fish.

I'm not okay. I'm burdened. I'm compelled. I'm called to make an impact for the Father, for His Kingdom. I want nothing in return but to hear my Father say, "Well done, faithful servant. Well done."

Ok, This Classifies As A Rant

God has recently used a situation in my life to point out something I myself have been guilty of doing and the true desire to correct this character defect through His grace and mercy.

Tonight, I posted the following on my facebook status:

wonders why we've developed into such a society with all of our "self-help" and

"support systems," but we still focus on what looks best on the outside, rather than what's going on inside.... Point to ponder.

Alrighty. So, that got me thinking a bit about God and how He works to change us. He doesn't ask us to go buy some fancy clothes, get our hair all fixed up, make sure we're all clean looking and THEN go do what He wants us to do.

He takes us EXACTLY where we are and simply asks us to trust Him and the work He's about to do. If we buy in, He begins to change us, from the inside out.

I found this verse:

39Then the Lord said to him, "Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. 40You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also?" Luke 11:39-40

I don't want to be a Pharisee. Jesus was always irritated with them. They were very, very focused on the external view and not their internal motives. All throughout the Gospel you see parables from Christ using them as examples of what not to do. He allowed His actions to speak for themselves and asked many to follow Him.

We live in a broken world. It's been that way since the fall of man, and it will stay that way until Jesus returns. We will constantly be in a battle of the wills - Our Will vs. God's Will. The thing is our will is very pushy, very arrogant, very selfish and can be very cruel. God's will is peaceful, passive, righteous, loving, forgiving, merciful, full of grace.

Our will is ugly. God's will is beautiful.

There are so many things that are so confusing in life. And I find that I can spend hours upon hours analyzing motives and creating scenarios and reasons within my mind to explain many, many things. However, I am not God. So when do I know I've uncovered the right one?

I'm learning - the hard way - that while someone may do something - whatever it is: an action, words spoken, love withheld - that I don't understand, the mere fact that I don't understand it should be enough for me to realize I'm not meant to understand it. My role in that situation isn't to "figure it out" but to pray for the one who committed the act, spoke the words, etc.

People sometimes feel far from our reach. But they are never too far from God.

I imagine it this way. No matter where I am in this life, no matter the road - whether it's paved or dirt - God is sitting beside me. He knows the way. He designed it. But He's not going to drive or even share directions if I don't ask. Some people might say, "What kind of God is that??" And I say, "Not a pushy one."

With God, free will is truly that: Free. So many things in our lives are choices and we don't even realize it. We've bought the enemy's lie that situations and circumstances are out of our control and we're just "here" to bounce around from this bad thing to the next.

One of my favorite quotes from High School:

"I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I can control what I do about it."

I wish I remembered who said it. And I may have butchered it, so forgive me if I did. But you get the point. Circumstances are going to occur. We're bouncing around this life with every other person who also has a free will. They choose to respect ours or not.

But for me, in my world, I can control how I react. And I've chosen my teacher to be Christ. And if I am to follow His example, I cannot make a snap decision about someone based upon an action or a decision necessarily without understanding what's inside.

If I take the time to get to know "what's inside" I'm quite likely to find whatever they did is a defensive posture to protect their brokenness. It doesn't necessarily mean I have to condone the behavior, or agree with the decision. But I should be at least willing to put on the love of Christ and at a minimum pray them. Pray for God to restore their brokenness, and pray for God to direct my steps with regard to them. Maybe I'm to take some sort of action to help them heal. Maybe I am to do nothing more than allow their consequences to come to them. And maybe all I'm asked to do is pray in petition and stand in the gap for them.

If I respond in love and seek God for direction, I won't fail. They will still have their free will. They will be able to reject me or accept me. But at least I will know I was obedient and did as God asked. And who knows? Perhaps my act of love will sow the see and some time down the line they will open themselves to God's healing love and accept Christ for Who He really is; not who Satan as convinced them He is.

"Don't judge a book by it's cover."

Sounds pretty good to me.

Be blessed!

How did my mother survive??

Ok, most of the time when I post these notes or blogs or random rants I do so to offer something I've learned about myself through this study we call life. Well, with the rants, I haven't learned anything yet, I'm just ranting. :)

I vividly remember being a teen. I remember the conflicted emotions. The desire to be happy when I was sad, and being inappropriately happy when I should have been sad. I remember wanting to be all grown up and on my own, yet wanting to play Dukes of Hazard or Barbies (yes, I played with Barbies. There I've said it!) at the same time. I remember wanting to be respected for ALL of the knowledge I had and my perspective on life, all the while making my mother make decisions for me. I remember wanting people to like me, but hating what I saw in the mirror. I remember wanting a different life and being jealous of the ones who had what I wanted. I get it.

And as our parents also said, I wouldn't want to be a teen in these times. They face WAY more than I did. They have much more of the "world" bombarding them daily and the problems that used to be only "adult" problems plague our children constantly. Babies having babies, drug addiction, porn addiction, complicated adult-themed relationships. Maturity is barely where it needs to be for adults to deal with these issues, let alone our kids.

So, now I'm a step-parent. I don't necessarily consider myself "mom". For that role is still held and held by a loyal candidate. But I am an adult influence who does have a certain amount of say in what goes on with said teen.

I have a goal. I want to be an example of a well-balanced adult. I want to encourage good behavior, and correct bad behavior. I want to teach kindness, selflessness (in balance here, I'm not talking about co-dependence), charity. I want to "unlearn" selfishness, taker-mentality, entitlement mentality and so forth.

Really, I think the rules are pretty simple.

1. Respect others.
2. Pick up after yourself.
3. Don't whine and manipulate to get your way.
4. Accept no. It's for a reason.
5. Be grateful. It could be worse.

And as I sit and challenge myself as to why the past 3 weeks have included a sudden change in attitude and how on earth this occurred overnight, I'm compelled to look at my own rules and really think about them. Am I living them myself? Am I taking the high road when I should? Am I re-enforcing bad behavior because "it's easier" than standing my ground?

It's also occurred to me this list could be the one God would have me follow as well. Of course, it might be modified and worded a bit differently. But certainly it applies.

1. God doesn't want me to be cruel. He wants me to act with love and kindness to everyone I meet. Including the one's I've "righteously" judged. And I use that term loosely. I shouldn't judge anyone.

2. He wants me to be responsible with what He's given me. I should pick up after myself. I should keep the house clean, keep the car clean, keep the laundry clean. It's a testimony of appreciation for what He's given me when I do this. When I allow these things to slide, it's showing that I don't value things.

3. Whining and attempting to manipulate God has never worked. I'm sure it's just as annoying to Him as it is to me. Probably more so. Yet, I've done it.

4. No. Funny how it's often the first command we teach our babies as a word to let them know what they are about to attempt could be harmful; yet when God tells us no we feel dejected and unloved. We got this meaning from Him. His no is for protection just as much as our no is.

5. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I would be a much better person if gratitude was the only thing that flowed from my mouth.

I've spent a lifetime battling anger, arrogance, judgmental behavior. It's only been the past several years I discovered the source and path of healing to overcome these "worldly" emotions and thought patterns. So, I'm really still quite "new" at the healing part. And I share my discoveries freely with anyone who is willing to read, or listen. And if something I've learned an adult can take and apply in their own situation and receive blessings of healing and improving their lives I am grateful God placed it upon my heart to share. And all glory to the Father!

But if I can share these lessons with a kid, and help them navigate those extremely difficult teen years and learn to cope with the slings and arrows of life now helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms and not worldly coping mechanisms, versus waiting until they hit some sort of bottom in their 30s, or their 40s, or worse, 50s or 60s to "get it" PRAISE GOD!! Hallelujah! Glory to the Father!! Thank you Jesus!! Thank you Jesus!!

What I wouldn't give to impact these kids and help them "get it" as they go, rather than falter around until the waves of life nearly crush them.

Father God, thank you for the young people you've placed in my life. Thank you for the opportunity before me to help impact their development into mighty warriors for your army. Lord, grant me the patience and the learning I need in order to share with them. Help me speak their language, Father. Give me the endurance to suffer their attitudes, mean-spirited words, angry glances. Let me learn to brush that by, for you have a greater plan, Father. Let me lead them by example. Let me embrace and practice the coping of your design and not that of this world. Continue your work in my heart to bring me to the person I was designed to be. Let your light shine through me and touch whomever needs to feel you. Keep me humble, Father, and always giving you the glory. In Jesus' name, Amen!

From One of My Devotionals: Life Can Be Tough

I thought it was more than appropriate to share the following devotional. So many of us find ourselves struggling today. Whether it be dealing with loss of work, financial hardships caused by many different circumstances, medical issues, relationship trouble, confusion about our direction, addictions, difficulties with our kids, etc. Each of us could probably describe something in our life causing us emotional pain. And in many cases, we don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. We only see obstacle upon obstacle; and darkness.

For people who do not know Jesus, their circumstances can seem desperate and hopeless. Some simply suffer in silence with no earthly idea of a way out. So, they tread water in the deep wondering if they will ever be rescued, accepting life as it is and deciding it's horrible. Some will find themselves beyond despair and decide there is no way out except to check out permanently. And people who are in these situations have an extremely difficult time understanding the concept of God being good due to their suffering.

Christians are not automatically exempt from desperation. Just because you believe in Jesus doesn't mean you've embraced all of the promises in the Word. It doesn't mean you understand the goodness. And it certainly doesn't eliminate our questions of "why" with regard to pain, difficulties, suffering and hardships.

The following devotional begins with one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It's a promise spoken by Jesus. He lays it out for us that we will endure some tough times while on this side of eternity. There will be trouble. If we stop at that statement we can quickly spin out of control feeling hopeless. I choose to focus on the latter part of the verse. And I hope you will, too.

We do have hope. We have hope in Christ. He has overcome this world by defeating the enemy once already when He conquered death through the resurrection. Further study and additional reading in the Bible reveals to us that there will be one more trip by Christ. And with that trip He will defeat evil for all time.

Does this mean we are to never feel sorrow or grief? Does this mean it's not okay to feel pain? No. Not at all. Christ said we will. My encouragement today is for us to allow the waves to come, but for us to always look to the solution in Christ; and not the height of those waves. God has promised the waves will not crush us. See Isaiah 43:1-3.

While I may not have a solution to a problem in my life, I truly know, believe and trust that God does. And I know He will be faithful. And in His time, He will deliver me. I know that He's not late. So, I also know the situation and the duration have a purpose.

I'm not perfect in this practice. But since I began practicing it I've found new peace in my life. I still become angry. I still lose my temper. I feel sorrow and grief. I still cry out to God, "WHY??" But I'm learning to accept His answer, or His silence. I'm learning to allow those feelings to come and to feel them. But not to dwell on them. And I remember everything has a purpose and He has my best interest at heart.

Life Can Be Tough

JOHN 16:33 ICB
33 "I told you these things so that you can have peace in me.
In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have
defeated the world!"

Jesus never promised us that everything would be perfect here
on earth. He recognized that we would encounter trouble. But
His instructions were to be of good cheer -- not to let it get
us down.

As we encounter difficulties in life, it will help us to
remember the big picture. First, God is our Father and has a
wonderful eternal plan for us. We are His children and He loves
us. Second, this time is but a training period for our future
life with God. We are supposed to be learning to trust God and
to obey Him.

So, every problem we ever face is an opportunity to walk in
faith and please God. Every problem is an opportunity to
overcome with God's help. How can we expect to receive the
blessings promised to the overcomer if we never have anything
to overcome?

What is the answer when we seem overwhelmed with trouble? Look
to Jesus. He has already won the victory. He has overcome and
defeated the world. In Him is victory.

You may ask how you can look to Jesus. It is mostly a matter of
focus -- what you choose to think on. What God says in His Word
will set you free and give you peace. What the circumstances
say is not the final word.

So, go to God's Word. Cling to the promises. Speak them. Sing
them. Shout them. Rejoice over them. And thank God for them.

Also, you need to develop a closer relationship with the Lord.
That is His desire and it should be yours. All relationships
are based on communication, so you must talk to the Lord to
deepen your relationship with Him. Develop the habit of talking
with Him about everything. You can speak freely to Him -- after
all He knows what you are thinking anyway.

SAY THIS: No matter what I face, the Lord is with me, and I can
overcome because Jesus already won the victory.

Leaning On Him

I recently finished reading The Love Revolution by Joyce Meyer and it's left me challenged and compelled to make a difference; even if that means changing the way I do things only in the corner of the world I touch. And specifically, using these techniques at home.

I've always struggled with anger. I've always had a temper and that temper has always had a short fuse. Seemingly trivial things can instigate instant rage. The drop of a hat can cause a severe blow-up and leave those in the wake of the wrath cowering. It's been this way for years.

The past several years, I've made a conscious effort to work on it. I've made a conscious effort to recognize when I've crossed a line and began to develop ways to corral it and try to lock it up again. Some days, I do a decent job. Many days I still fail. And every day is a new day to do better than yesterday.

About 6 years ago, I adopted the following mantra for myself:

To be a better person today than I was yesterday.

That was my daily goal. And, some may say it's admirable and simplistic. Perhaps. My journey to better understand our Heavenly Father throughout the most recent 3 years has actually caused me to modify this a bit.

To do a better job imitating Christ today than I did yesterday.

THIS is a HUGE challenge for me. Here's my quick summation of Jesus and the type of person He was, not from the Divine perspective, but from the human perspective.

1. He literally loved everyone. Jesus didn't know a stranger. He included ALL sinners in His circle.

2. He accepted people EXACTLY as they were, EXACTLY where they were, and encouraged them to become better; and in many cases, asked them to follow Him so they would learn precisely how to do that.

3. He wasn't harsh except once with regard to the temple and the money changers.

4. He LOVED kids; and even mentioned adults need to be more like them specifically in faith.

5. He was obedient even when He didn't want to be. The night He was captured, He prayed to God asking God to remove the cup before Him. He didn't know if He could endure the suffering He knew He faced. And He was scared. But even through all of that, and even though He could have invoked His Divine power and avoided the situation, He knew that wasn't God's plan. And He did what He was asked to do despite His fear and the agony He felt. He knew what God called Him to do, sacrificing His life for the world, would have a much greater impact than the time He would suffer; it would be for eternity. His suffering would not.

That's my top 5. Many more I could come up with, but let me share with you my struggles here.

Not only am I easily angered, I'm also extremely judgmental. So, that makes 1-3 of my "Be Like Jesus" list an absolute fight inside myself. The part of me that desperately wants to please God is constantly duking it out with my flesh that tends to follow the world. And if I'm not able to do 1-3 very well, it makes 5 difficult as well. For Christ commanded us to love one another. If I find it difficult to accept all people where they are and love them anyway not being harsh at all, I'm not doing a good job being obedient. (For the record, I happen to love kids, so #4 isn't too difficult.)

How do I improve my work with these?

It takes time. It takes practice. And it takes me being still within myself long enough to listen to the Holy Spirit when He reminds me I've just judged unfairly, or my angry tone is leaking again, or my refusal to extend kindness isn't the way Jesus would have acted.

I find my character defects leaping from me when I can't fix what is broken, when I feel I've done my part and others aren't doing theirs, when I'm in the middle of something and I'm asked to sacrifice that moment for anything else. I want to improve. I want to be better. It's a struggle. A daily struggle. But I'm committed to leave my heart in God's hands. Even if I can only do that for mere hours at a time, at least it is in His hands and the work He can do in such a short time is truly amazing.

Awareness is the first step. Well, I'm more than aware I'm not perfect. And I really don't need too many reminders; Satan does a fine job of doing that for everyone. But I do need God's grace and I do have His faithfulness and the Promises and His love. I have His forgiveness. I have His hope of something better and more than this world. And I have His encouragement to share my journey with everyone I can.

I will keep working with God to become who He designed me to be. I will continue to allow Him to use His strength for things in my life for which my strength is not enough. Prayers for each of you as you navigate the waters.... Be blessed!

Prayer for Bev - Pray with me?

I've posted this on Bev O'Donnell's Caring Bridge site. I wanted to share it with you for two reasons:

1. To join with me in prayer for Bev. She's battling pretty hard and the enemy is working against her.

2. This prayer that flowed tonight can be used by all of us at anytime we're facing difficulties in our lives.

We're all broken and burdened by many things. We all have seasons in our lives when we don't understand the plan. And we want to know why. We have times when the search for the answers distracts us from the promises and the reminders from God's Word that tell us there will be struggles; and we won't always know why. But we are to trust in the Father and know that He intends to take even those things meant for harm and bring something good from them.

There are soooooo many things that have happened in my life that could be seen as negative or bad; a few might even be considered tragic. But without them, I wouldn't have become who I am. My faith wouldn't be where it is. And in most of them, looking back upon them, I can see some point of growth that came as a result of them.

Who am I to tell God He doesn't know what He's doing? Does it mean I should be wrought with guilt when I find myself grieving? No, not at all. Grief is necessary for cleansing. And that process takes different lengths of time for different people.

But I can't stay there. I can't get wrapped up in figuring out God's plan and miss out on this life. I can't be so focused on telling God how He should fix something and miss out on the better plan He has. He wants to bless me. If I'm scrutinizing His work, or a perceived lack of His work, I'm going to miss something.

I hope the following prayer brings a message to you. I hope that if you've felt compelled to read this post, that you'll open your heart before reading the prayer; that you'll simply pray to ask God for guidance and direction of it, ask Him to speak something you've needed. It's simple. It's short. It's heartfelt. And it's just as much directed at myself as it is this family fighting for their mother, their grandmother, their sister, their wife.

May God be with you in your search for answers. And may you be willing to accept what He says - even if He says, "You aren't meant to understand this."

Love you all!

Jeani

Father, you know the details of the journey for this family. You know the highs and the lows. You know the events that will bring hope and you know the complete outcome. It's so difficult for us to grasp suffering. It's seems so senseless most of the time. Especially with cancer. We sit around and try to understand and we sit around and wonder why. We grasp at straws and many times we fight to breathe ourselves. These are times our faith is being tested. These are times you invite us through the work of the enemy in this broken world to seek you, to trust you, to lean into you, to rest in you, to rely upon you, and to believe your promises that you have a plan for each of our lives and that plan is for a future and to give us hope. Lord, I pray that you will meet each member of this family where they are. I pray, Father God, that you will embrace their weary souls. I pray that you will touch their spirits and lift them from despair. I pray, God, that you will reach out to them and pull them close to you. That you will reveal yourself to each of them in your own way and in the way they will hear you, the way they will see you. I pray, Father, that from this, regardless of the outcome, they will be strengthened and they will know you more. God, relieve my sister Bev through your healing grace. Touch her broken body and restore her. Encourage this family, God. Let them turn toward you. You are faithful. You love us unconditionally. We are never far from your reach, no matter how angry, no matter how bitter, no matter how broken. You are our redeemer. You are the God of restoration and healing. We fall into your arms, Jesus, and thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen!

From My Email Devotional: Girlfriends In God

March 15, 2010

Faith in the Storm

Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV).

Friend To Friend
The most difficult times to continue believing the promises of God are during the storms of life when the waves of emotions are so great they threaten to tip your boat and spill you into an ocean of despair.

I have been there, my friend. And I do know it can be the most difficult time to believe the truth and the easiest time to believe the enemy's lies. Let me share one such storm in my own life.

When my husband, Steve, and I decided to have children, we conceived with no problem. Steven Hugh Jaynes, Jr. was born with a shock of thick black hair and long Bambi-like eyelashes that had the nurses measuring for record breaking length. I loved being a mother more than any role I had ever experienced. Never in my life had I ever imagined so much love could be wrapped in such a small package.

Steven was about two-years-old when we decided to expand our family once again.

"Steven," we explained, "We are praying that God will give Mommy and Daddy another Jaynes baby so you can have a little brother or sister."

He thought that sounded like a good idea, so he ended our family prayer time each night with the benediction, "And God, please give Mommy and Daddy another Jaynes baby. Amen."

After six months, there was no news of another Jaynes baby. I was perplexed. Then a year passed. I was distraught. Then two years passed. I began sinking in a sea of fear and doubt. All the while, Steven prayed each night, "And God, please give Mommy and Daddy another Jaynes baby."

My husband and I began traveling down the frustrating road of doctor visits, infertility treatment and timed intimacy (which is anything but intimate). Then I began worrying about how this "unanswered" prayer was going to affect Steven's faith in God.

By age four, we still had no news for Steven. Obviously, it was not the Lord's plan for us to have another child at this time and I didn't know how to tell Steven that we didn't have to pray that prayer every night. I kept hoping that he would just forget about it. But he didn't forget about it any more than he forgot the "Amen" at the end of a prayer.

So I began to pray, Lord please show me how to ease out of this predicament. Show me how to tell Steven that we don't need to pray for another baby every night. I do not want this seemingly unanswered prayer to damage his faith.

We have a miniature table and chairs in the kitchen where Steven and I ate lunch together each day. One day while sharing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Steven looked up, and in his sweet little voice said, "Mommy, have you ever thought that maybe God only wants you to have one child?"

Shocked, I answered, "Yes, I have thought that maybe that is the case and if it is, I am so thankful because He has given me all I ever hoped for in a child wrapped up in one package, YOU!"

Then he turned his little head like a robin and said, "Well, what I think we ought to do is keep praying until you're too old to have one. Then we'll know that's His answer!"

What a great idea. I had been worried about Steven's faith, but all the while, it was my own that was struggling. I was having trouble believing that God loved me when He was withholding what I wanted most...a house full of children. How could He love me and not give me the desire of my heart? I wondered. Maybe He doesn't love me after all.

A favorite song Steven used to sing when he was four-years-old had these words:

"My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty. There's nothing my God cannot do. The mountains are His. The valleys are His. The stars are His handiwork too. My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty. There's nothing my God cannot do."

Steven didn't know how old too old was, (Sarah in the Bible was 90), but he did know God. He knew God coulddo anything. If His answer was "no" he didn't have a problem with that. I told him "no" many times and he understood that "no" did not mean "I don't love you." "No" just meant "no," because I am your parent and I know what's best for you.

The Lord taught me a great lesson through my four-year-old son. I saw through his childlike faith, an example of the attitude of trust that I should have toward my Heavenly Father who loves me and knows what's best for me. And though the storm had subsided for just a while, a tidal wave hit a few years later. Join me tomorrow for the rest of the story.

Let's Pray
Dear Heavenly Father who always knows what is best for me, today I give You my hopes and my dreams. If the answer is "no," I understand that You know what is best for me and honestly, I don't have a clue. Thank You for both Your provision and Your protection.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen

From One of My Devotionals: God Has Already Forgiven You

Anyone who knows me well knows I receive about 6 or 7 daily devotional emails compiled by others. Some are famous teachers of the Word, such as Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Max Lucado and Charles Stanley. Other devotionals are compiled by people who aren't even referenced, such as the one listed below. I like to share these from time to time as they are thoughtfully organized and teach us a great message. As I post them, I will give credit when I know who should receive it. And I will never take credit if it is not from me. :)

Hope you enjoy this one. It's really important to understand when beginning, or even re-establishing, your walk with God. Nothing you have done, and nothing you will ever do can separate you from His love. He loves you where you are, and will work with you to get you where you could be. :)

Romans 8:38-39 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God Has Already Forgiven You

2 CORINTHIANS 5:19 AMPLIFIED
19 It was God (personally present) in Christ, reconciling and
restoring the world to favor with Himself, not counting up and
holding against [men] their trespasses [but cancelling them];
and committing to us the message of reconciliation -- of the
restoration to favor.

A popular idea is that God is really mad at people and can
hardly wait to punish them for their sins.

The truth is that God has already forgiven people. Now you must
accept His forgiveness to enjoy a restored relationship with
Him.

What a shame it is that people are estranged from God and go
without His help and blessing -- simply because they think God
is against them and would have nothing to do with them.

1 JOHN 2:12 NKJ
12 I write to you, little children, because your sins are
forgiven you for His name's sake.

No matter what you have done -- God has already forgiven you!
More than forgiven -- you are loved!

Forgiving you was God's idea -- you do not have to convince
Him. You must believe God forgave you and thank Him.

Jesus Christ already paid the price for all your sins -- and
God is no longer holding any sin against you! You have been
forgiven.

SAY THIS: Thank You Father God for forgiving me! Thank You Jesus!

Lifelines - Verses I Reference Daily

Hello everyone! Well, I've been meaning to put this together for some time. Over the course of about two years, I began compiling a list of Bible verses I regularly reference to remind me of the promises in God's Word to strengthen me through whatever trial happens to be in front of me. When I first began this list, it was simply one or two verses I repeated to myself daily. As the year of 2009 continued, I quickly embraced several others and added them to my list. And today, I've compiled the "Lifelines" list strictly from the top of my head! :)

I may not have each verse memorized verbatim, but I can tell you what each section basically tells us. They are some pretty powerful promises that bring great peace to my weary heart and mind when I find myself being consumed by day-to-day trials; and even the really big ones, too!

I want to share them with you in hopes you will also find strength in them.

Father God, I pray that whomever may have stumbled across these ramblings of mine has done so at the direction of the Holy Spirit. I pray, God, that you've led them to this list for a reason and a purpose. I pray that they will find that one verse that speaks directly to them. Even better, Lord, they'll embrace this list as a starting point for developing their own "Lifeline" with your Word. Father, I thank you for your Word. I thank you for your promises and the hope they offer. I thank you, God, that you are faithful and ever present. I thank you, Father, that you've planned a way for each of us through this broken world. That you created the way of forgiveness and redemption. That through your Son, Jesus Christ, we are saved. Thank you for your plan, God, and help us navigate. Continue your work in our hearts to lead us closer to you and closer to the person we were designed to become. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Here's the list, in no particular order. It seems to order itself depending upon what I'm facing that day. :)

James 1:2-4 (NIV) 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

John 16:33 (NIV) 33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Joshua 1:5 (NIV) 5"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:9 (NIV) 9"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Romans 8:28 (NIV) 28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV) 3"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) 11"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV) 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV) 43"You have heard that is was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) 6"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV) 8"The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV) 8"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9"As the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 43:1-3 (NIV) 1But now, this is what the LORD says - He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"

Isaiah 33:2 (NIV) 2O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV) 1I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. 2He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

John 15:16-17 (NIV) 16"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other."

Welcome!!

Hello! And welcome to my new blog! I've journaled on AOL, posted rants, blogs, thoughts, lessons and all sorts of other musings on Myspace and Facebook for quite some time. I've decided to test the waters of this site and see what kind of response comes at me.

I've titled this 316Ministry as I have a desire to share my journey of my attempt to become more like Christ daily; to share my strength and hope in Him with others; to spread the Good News that no matter who you are, no matter what you've done, God loves you and desires a relationship with you. You are not alone. And you are not trash, no matter what society tells you.

I will simply be posting my opinions, discoveries and revelations as I study the Word, teachings from other authors (some well-known, some never heard of), messages watched via podcasts, and the like. In no way are my views a representation of anyone other than myself. And you may or may not gain anything from them. And that's okay. If you do, that's great! This is only being used by me as a format to share what I'm learning. You're welcome to follow my journey. :)

Realizing this is relatively open to whomever, I know critics will emerge. Those who find it more beneficial for themselves to spew hatred vs love will appear. I believe that all are entitled to their own opinion and have the option to express it. However, if I feel open communication and an opportunity for greater understanding isn't the main reason for a comment, I will delete it (once I figure out how to do that!) :) I do not wish to foster hatred in any way and, free speech me all you want, I won't tolerate it here. Haters, beware! :)

Aside from that, I'm just a 30 something wanting to foster and expand my relationship with God and I'm inviting you along. I have some posts from years ago I'll share. I have new things I'm learning that I'll share. I have dreams and ideas for bettering our world I'll share with you. I'm sure this forum will be periodically a place used for my rants as well. :) Read what you wish. Take what speaks to you. And leave the rest. :) That's what I do!!

I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you and hope to learn from you as well... More posts to come!

Be blesssed!

Jeani