Prayer of Gratitude

Hello friends! Please join me in the following prayer:

Father God, I thank you for each and every test or trial you allow into my life. I thank you for the opportunities to lean into you more, to come closer to you, to believe your promises and expand my faith. Father, thank you that I can always trust your timing and your provision. Lord, thank you that these events in my life have been orchestrated by you. Thank you, God, that you have a plan and you have a way when one doesn't seem possible to me. I'm excited, Lord, to see your hand in my life and the provision that will come. Thank you in advance for meeting every immediate and future need. Thank you, God, for demonstrating your constant unconditional love even when I least deserve it. Keep my heart and mind focused on the blessings you shower upon me daily. And keep my heart bent toward glorifying and honoring you. Thank you for my next opportunity! Thank you for my friends and family who lift me in prayer! And thank you for the lessons I can learn from everyone you bring into my life. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Gratitude goes much farther than worrying. :)

Be blessed!!

Don't Suffer

In the past week or so I've had a couple of people mention they are worried about me with the job situation and such. And while I absolutely welcome any and all support I want to challenge everyone who loves me, heck, everyone who loves someone else.... Don't.

Don't worry about me. Don't worry about your loved one. Don't worry about yourself.

Pray.

Rejoice! Find the things in life that ARE working. Look at life and praise God for the beauty you can enjoy. Thank God that He has a plan, that He will turn things around, that He will meet all needs, that He will protect His children, that He will strengthen each of us to endure the trials and that He provides for us joy!

Listen, I know this is tough. I've been in the rut recently myself. I've been slowly drifting back to that place where I only see what I cannot change and what I wish would change. Who ever looks at a job and says, "I wish I was unemployed. I wish my income was reduced. I will be glad when the bills don't change but the money coming in does." Who wishes for that??

But here's the reality, there will be things in our lives for which we can plan accordingly. And there will be things in our lives that will surprise us and have the potential to knock us off our feet.

1 Peter 4:12 (New International Version)
12Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.

Peter let all of us know we shouldn't be surprised when trouble comes our way. He was reminding us what Jesus said.

John 16:33 (New International Version)
33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

"In this world you will have trouble."

There isn't much wiggle room with that statement. Christ said we will face trouble. But let us also remember Job. He faced tremendous suffering and tragedy. And nothing that was brought upon him by the enemy was permitted to take his life. God allowed Satan to test Job's resolve. But not to destroy him entirely.

Sometimes the trouble we're facing is a result of sowing bad seed. That is true. We do have consequences for our actions. If we live financially irresponsible, eventually that will catch up to us. If we decide to overdo the party life in our teens and twenties, in our forties and fifties, we'll feel it. Contact sports in college? You'll know about it when you're 40!

But many times, our troubles are a test of our resolve and our faith. Many times it is an opportunity for God to use something that was meant for our harm to show His faithfulness, to show His love, to reveal His glory. He may use it to prove to the enemy that we are faithful, that we do believe in His provision and ability to work out our difficulties and elevate us above our troubles. And an opportunity for us to demonstrate our trust in Him.

Philippians 4:11-12 (New International Version)
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Philippians 3:12-14 (New International Version)
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7 (New International Version)
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 12:28-29 (New International Version)
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."

Colossians 3:2 (New International Version)
2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Isaiah 54:17 (New International Version)
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD.

No matter what adversity you are facing: health, relationships, finances, temptations, etc. remember the promises. Remember to find the blessings. Remember you control the obsessions of your mind. You control your thoughts and where they go. Force them to go against the negative things, the reasons for your suffering, the tragedies you're facing, the losses you've had.

Force your thoughts to focus on life. Focus on the blessings. Remember, someone in the world is in a worse position than you are. Someone doesn't have a home, a car, a job, food, medicine, love, hope, joy. Someone doesn't know Jesus Christ. Someone doesn't see a way out of their hopeless situation. Someone needs to see God's light shining through your life. Someone needs their faith restored. Someone needs to see God working through your life to be encouraged their own situation can turn around. Someone needs to hear how God is providing for you in order to believe He will provide for them, too. Someone needs to see His restoration in your hope, your faith, your dreams so they can believe.

I'm not perfect at this. I can become discouraged, too. I can shift my thoughts to what is missing or what isn't the way I wish it to be. I can listen to the enemy's lies and become full of anxiety and stress and worry. I can shift my eyes from my Father to the problem. I can fall into the trap of trying to figure it out in my strength rather than recognizing I need God's grace to get through and to get out of His way and let Him work in His timing and with His method.

Let me tell you, I've seen Him work in the lives of others. And I've listened to their testimonies about how He has given them the grace to stay in peace and joy even amidst the storm. I was hesitant. I thought to myself, "But they've never felt _______." And I was wrong. The emotion of hopelessness is the same at it's very core regardless of what caused it. The circumstances causing it may be very, very different. The experiences may be very different indeed. But the feeling itself of being overwhelmed and without hope is the same.

And so is the answer.

I'm in the process of practicing what has been preached and even what I myself have shared. I'm in the process of taking the head knowledge of the promises and engraving them upon my heart. I'm in the process of walking the talk.

Hear what I'm saying to you, it's working. I am finding myself facing a tremendous unknown. The potential is there to be consumed with anxiety, worry and stress. The potential is there to allow these three things to destroy my physical and mental health. But I'm not allowing it.

Do I have moments? Sure! I'm human! I have moments of doubt. I have moments when I question things and I look at things with that shifty look of disbelief. But if I shake my head once or twice and speak aloud the promises of my Creator, I change my thoughts. I change my focus. And I remember to give it back to the One in control. I look around me and appreciate what I do have and I pray for those who are lacking. I remind myself of all of the ways God has showed up in just the past year, let alone the past 37, and I'm overcome with humility and disbelief about why He would continue to be faithful.

But even that is for another time.

Stay in your blessings. Stay in faith. Keep your hope alive. Immerse yourself in His grace. Bask in His light. Believe what He tells you. Trust Him. And embrace the joy and peace that comes with it.

Stand strong my friends! Redemption is just around the corner!

Live blessed!

Jeani

Sometimes We Cry

When I was a kid, I was really, really -- and I do mean REALLY -- opposed to crying. I tried to control it. I tried to control the fear. I tried to control emotional pain. And I decided that when those emotions tried to surface, they should be replaced with anger. The result? If I was crying, especially if there was an audience, it was only because the anger had boiled my insides to the point I could no longer suppress the tears. And if I had an exit route, you'd better believe I would be alone quickly.

As I've become an adult, I've realized there is something to be said about compassion. I had it when I was a kid. But I didn't want to show it. I didn't want to be vulnerable in front of others. So, I would extend a word here or there, offer a hug or pat on the back, but my most common weapon against sadness was humor. I remember being 3 years old seeing my mother sitting across the table from me crying and thinking to myself, "Be cute. Make her laugh."

But sometimes, you just need to cry.

John 11:33-35 (New International Version)
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.

35Jesus wept.

This section of scripture refers to the compassion Jesus felt toward the family of Lazarus, a man who'd been a friend to Him who had been sick and died several days before His arrival. The family believed that Jesus could heal their sick brother. But Christ knew He was to raise Lazarus from the dead to honor and glorify God and so the Jews would see He really was the Son of God. He knew this pain and suffering they experienced was temporary. He knew in mere moments their heavy hearts would be freed of the grief and overwhelmed with joy as they would have Lazarus back. But their pain affected Him. And He wept.

There is no shame in displaying or demonstrating compassion. There is nothing wrong with being moved to tears of joy or tears of sadness for our friends and loved ones.

And sometimes we just need to let others know we care.

Sometimes, we cry.

Drought

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place we don't want to be. We want to move forward. We want things to change. The mundane routine of our lives has reached a place of boring and without purpose. We're required to do something or to be somewhere and that passion is lacking. We know we have to perform or give what we no longer feel inspired to give. We're stuck in between one level of glory and the next. And we feel like nothing good is happening.

But we're wrong.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

What are we to do during these seasons of our life we no longer "feel" the presence of God and we no longer feel motivated to even live up to our current expectations? We are longing for a change and something to inspire us to action, but it just isn't there.

The answer may be different for each of us. Some of us will spend money and buy something exciting. Some of us will enter into new relationships and ride the wave of that buzz for a bit. Some of us will start new jobs. Take time off. Go on a trip. Many times we seek a new experience. And it is generally successful in providing that spark we seek - for a moment.

What I am learning is to embrace a few things in order to rejuvenate myself and help me redirect my focus.

1. When I realize I'm in a rut, I begin to first practice Psalm 46:10 -- "Be still. And know I am God." When I don't know which decision to make, when I don't know the direction I should turn, when I feel easily confused because my mind is convincingly arguing two opposing sides of a decision, I need to sit still. I need to make no decision. And I need to remember I am not in control of the universe, but simply myself. I need to become quiet and remember I serve a loving God Who will not lead me down the wrong path.

2. The second thing I need to do is rejoice.

1 Thessalonians 5:16 (Amplified Bible)
16Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always);

Philippians 4:4 (New International Version)
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

I need to take my eyes off the dirt surrounding me (rut analogy, remember?) and focus upon the things in my life that are blessings. Sometimes, if I've allowed myself to sink deeply into mediocrity, this list might have to start with the fact that I'm breathing, which means there is still a purpose I need to meet. Quickly, if I force my mind to focus upon it, I can add family, friends, simple things like blue skies, the sun, fall colors, children's laughter, etc. The goal here is to shift my attention from what is weighing me down and to the things that will lift me up. Not only do I inventory this list, but I also consciously thank God for each item on this list.

3. Rejoicing is important and it is referenced in several verses in the Bible. But the following verse in 1 Thessalonians chapter 5 is extremely important as well.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 (New Living Translation)
17 Never stop praying.

Depending upon my level in the rut, I may pray for a light so that I may see the intended path. I may pray for grace to overcome some judgmental attitude, resentment, anger, or unforgiveness. I may pray for direction. I may pray for supportive people to emerge. I may pray for forgiveness for myself. At the very least, I enter into a conversation with my Heavenly Father about my condition.

4. I have faith. I believe that through these steps and by petitioning in prayer asking God to fight my battles for me, that God is doing what He says He will do. I trust that He will fulfill His promises. I know that He has my best interest in mind. And I accept that whatever He may bring to pass may not be what I've asked Him for, nor what I want. But I know it will be for my benefit.

Hebrews 11:1 (New Living Translation)
1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

5. Finally, and sometimes even more difficult than the four preceding steps: obedience. The absolute best example of obedience to the Father against the fleshly will is when Christ prayed to God asking Him for another way to fulfill His will. But He committed to do what the Father asked of Him regardless.

Luke 22:42 (King James Version)
42Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

I have a strong internal desire to be obedient. And it strengthens the more time I spend with God. I want to glorify and honor Him. I want to extend the grace, mercy, hope and love I've been given without earning it and certainly undeserved.

But often, I can feel that deep, internal tug in my gut advising me to keep my mouth closed, or alternately, to speak; to act in some manner that seems completely ridiculous. And I do exactly the opposite of what I feel should or shouldn't act. And later realize why I should have done what I didn't do (or shouldn't have done/said what I did/said.)I may see an intersection of life that I blew by and later realize down the road I didn't want to take is a blessing I missed.

On the flip side of this, when I am obedient, I see those red lights and the wrecks that were avoided. I see the protection and the provision. And I feel humbled and grateful.

Are you in a rut? Are you living a mediocre life and tired of the mundane? Do you find yourself day dreaming of the "perfect" life?

Try this process. Give it a sincere try. Open your heart and mind to it. Be willing to be silent with God. Be willing to give decisions some time rather than being impulsive. Don't go to the other extreme and never make decisions. But be willing to test it against the direction of God.

Expand your relationship with the Father beyond asking Him for healing when a loved one is ill; or asking for protection during days of traveling.

Ask Him what He wants you to change to spring you from mediocrity into excellence. Is it priorities? Is He first in your life? Is it a bitter heart? A mouth spewing lies, gossip or hatred? Maybe you never speak the things you really think, but inside you feel resentment. Perhaps you aren't even judging others harshly because you're too busy judging yourself and you are filled with remorse and guilt; and maybe these two emotions have you paralyzed from believing you have the option to move forward.

None of us are perfect. We all sin in some manner. We're not here to judge one another's relationship with the Father. We're simply here to begin our own and allow Him to change within us what He wills so that He can bless us in His perfect way.

Fall at the feet of the cross. Rest in the arms of your Father. Open His Word and learn of His love and the promises He gives you for taking care of you. And dare to believe it. Then look around and I'd bet you're no longer looking at dirt. I bet you'll be out of your rut.

Be in peace my friends!
Jeani

On a Roll!

Okay, so I don't normally post two blog posts in one day. But the Father is really speaking to my heart right now. I'm really searching internally and dealing with some things I wish would hurry up and change, but they haven't. I'm learning to rest in God's grace (as one of my favorite Pastors puts it) and truly sit in the passenger seat of life - as far as control is concerned. Don't misinterpret that resting in God's grace and granting Him the control He truly owns means sitting along and simply watching the view. There are plenty of things He's going to ask you to do.

As I was sitting here, it came to my mind that my entire life I've struggled with responding to things using anger versus the actual emotion I might be feeling at that time. And as I continue to learn and grow and mature with regard to this, I sometimes become irritated that I continue to struggle and that it seems to be a very slow progression of improvement. You might say I was beating myself up about it.

Here's a truth:

2 Corinthians 5:17 (New International Version)
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

"...the old has gone, the new has come!"

There is a power inside I didn't possess before I came to know Christ. For me, I embraced Him as a child, but I wasn't taught about a relationship with Him or the power He wants to share with me because I know Him. But I understand this now. So, I can praise God knowing that some day this issue won't have to dominate my reactions. Because the power does exist. What once was my daily reaction to things no longer has to be my daily reaction if I rely upon this relationship I have with Christ and allow the "new" to come! How awesome is that?

Finish this statement: "I have always _____________."

Maybe for you it reads like this...

"I have always been a liar."

"I have always been unfaithful."

"I have always been unforgiving."

"I have always been angry."

"I have always been untrustworthy."

"I have always been distrusting."

"I have always held grudges."

Whatever you used to fill in the blank, remember, if you've accepted the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the old is gone and the new has come! Just because "you've always been" something doesn't mean you always have to remain that way. You have inside the power of change and improvement.

Can you change it by yourself? No. Please don't believe that lie of the enemy - the one that says you can. You can't. I bought it for many, many years and have never been remotely successful. Healing of and transformation of your heart to give up these old ways, these old habits, these old defects to become more like Christ comes only from your relationship with the Father and your willingness to allow Him to work.

It's not easy. And it's sometimes painful. We become accustomed to our brokenness and even though we may not like something about ourselves, we've bought Satan's lie that it is "just how we are." Or the other one that "we deserve the suffering that comes."

Wrong!

I will likely delve into that more in the days to come. But so as not to overload anyone, let us just allow this one verse to sink into our hearts.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (New International Version)
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Those things we don't like about ourselves, those things we want to improve, those mistakes we always make... through our relationship with God and in His timing can change.

Be brave! Step out and ask God to help you with these things. Allow Him to do His work and heal you. Allow Him to continue molding you into who He wants you to become while here on this earth.

Be blessed!

Value, Worth, Purpose

We don't have to look very hard in our society to see what we value. At least, what society wants us to value. Money. Possessions. Beauty. Status.

I always find it interesting when one of the Pastors I follow begins a sermon series about something I've been pondering. I get a sense my thoughts are in line with a bigger message and perhaps the sermon series is to help me find some clarity or ask more questions and dig a bit deeper within myself. One such series just began with Crosspoint here in Nashville titled "Empty Promises". The foundation for the series was set last Sunday and I don't intend to summarize the message, however, if I do reference an idea Pastor Pete presented, I will note it as such.

I was standing in line at the gas station the other day and I found myself looking at the cover of the magazines by the cashier. All of the covers were plastered with photos of people we've decided are beautiful. We've based this decision upon their physical looks, the clothes they wear, the make-up they use. We've decided to place importance upon a specific size for women, and bulging muscles for men. Most of the cover models had similar hair styles or colors, dressed a similar way - from the Country magazines to the Rock magazines. We're being handed via these media presentations an image and told if we do not resemble these particular folks, then we are not beautiful.

Fortune magazine focuses on the size of a bank account or the number listed in the assets column on the books to determine who is top dog, so-to-speak.

Other magazines will communicate through their imagery that if you are fully dressed you can't possibly be sexy.

In some circles, we'll interpret the message given directing that if we don't own our home, have 3 cars, own a boat, have a vacation home or a time share, travel here or there, etc. we can't be happy and we're certainly not successful.

We're convinced we cannot enjoy a sporting event or some other celebration without being in an altered state as a result of substances; ignoring the problems that come with this.

So, the "rest of us" who aren't gracing magazine covers or partying with sports stars, we embrace these so-called truths and we chase them. We make it our life mission to attain material possessions at whatever cost. Working one job 70 hours a week; or maybe even working two jobs 80 hours a week. We decide that this time away from actually spending time with our families, with our parents, children, grandparents, friends... This time we are making the big bucks is more important and that once we have our vacation home, we will invite our family and friends for a little siesta and make up for lost time.

I've known many who do this, and I will be completely honest and confess to you, I've done it. I've chased the people, the jobs, the items that I thought would bring me happiness.

Allow me to zero in on a statement I made: Lost time.

The reality is this: If you are reading this, today you woke up. If you are reading this, God granted you a gift of today. He's not promised you tomorrow. The way you spend the time given today is the only time you're guaranteed.

This thought leads me to several questions I want to share with you, embracing the reality of time.

Who or what am I focused on more than anything else to bring me happiness?

Who or what am I expecting to own my happiness?

What makes my world go round? What is the source of my sunshine in life?

Romans 12:12 (Contemporary English Version)
12Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying.

Philippians 3:7-9 (Contemporary English Version)
7But Christ has shown me that what I once thought was valuable is worthless. 8Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ 9and to know that I belong to him. I could not make myself acceptable to God by obeying the Law of Moses. God accepted me simply because of my faith in Christ.

Romans 15:13 (Contemporary English Version)
13I pray that God, who gives hope, will bless you with complete happiness and peace because of your faith. And may the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope.

What if I considered the instruction and example from just these three verses? Trust me, there are more that reference an ability to be content with all things regardless of trials or triumphs need or abundance. But even in just these three verses there is a solution to unhappiness.

The sunshine of your life.... Is it money? Is it fame? Is it approval of friends or family? Is it your spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend? Is it your children? Is it material items? Is it the number of hours you spend in church?

Or is it Jesus Christ? Is it a relationship with God through His Son?

Which do you think is more sustainable? More reliable? More dependable? More energizing? More fulfilling?

Which do you want to pursue?

From a Devotional I follow...

Wisdom Hunters Devotional


Plotting Evil

“The LORD said to me, “Son of man, these are the men who are plotting evil and giving wicked advice in this city.” Ezekiel 11:2

The sun never sets on evil, and alarmingly, there are people as intent on evil actions as there are those committed to good ones. Like roaches under the cloak of darkness, hideous human hearts are secretly hatching evil schemes. The worst kind of evil is disguised in the robe of religion.

They blame their terrorist tirades on a god of their making. They worship an idol of violence at the altar of racism, anger, unforgiveness, and hatred. There is no reasoning with religiously driven people warped in their warring ways. The realities of our world are riddled with religiously motivated people bent on evil. These religious fanatics are, of course, deceived and delusional.

Satan is smiling at these acts of atrocity aimed at innocent people. What better strategy for hell than for people to murder in the name of religion? This plan sends people to hell for eternity and causes others to experience hell on earth. It is a hellish nightmare that is plaguing more and more of the modern world. It is the antithesis of true religion.

Unfortunately, engineers of evil are engaged everyday in the execution of evil acts. They spend time, money, and energy like an aggressive investor in a business project of monumental proportions. Their return on investment is measured by the evil outcomes of fear, intimidation, violence, mayhem, and murder. However, there is an unseen battle raging that is even more decisive. It is the battle for the souls of men and women.

A person who comes to Christ in confession and repentance does not condemn others who hold different beliefs. Condemnation is for cowards, not for Christ followers. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8). An individual “in Christ” has new weapons in their arsenal of faith. Hate has been replaced by love. Violence has been replaced by peace. Death has been replaced by life. Retaliation has been replaced by forgiveness. Prayer is the primary weapon in spiritual warfare.

A tsunami of prayer will penetrate the pride of those stuck in the sick and seductive talons of terrorism. Heaven’s call is for followers of Jesus Christ to rise up in a powerful proclamation of prayer. We are the Body of Christ. When one member of the body suffers, the entire body suffers. Faith is not isolated; it is committed to the community of faith. Our friends in the faith who suffer under the tyranny of terrorism need our unprecedented prayer support.

Fervent prayer flies in the face of fascism disguised in a fanatical but false faith. We can act as if we are isolated from international crises, but we are not. We will be effected as long as evildoers plot evil. Until evil is totally transformed by the grace of God, we have a giant opportunity to invest in eternity. We have the remedy for radical religious jihads driven by evil intent: faith in Christ. Humbly and persistently we can present Jesus in our behavior and in our beliefs. He is the answer for atrocities hatched in hell. Heaven trumps hell when trust in Christ is preeminent. Pray every day for trust in Christ to triumph over tactics of terrorism. Evil plotters are no matches for persistent and pure prayers. Pray for His Kingdom to come, on earth as it is in heaven.

The Bible says, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy… having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them” (2 Timothy 3:1-2, 5).

Taken from the September 11th reading in Boyd Bailey’s Seeking Daily the Heart of God. This 365 day devotional book is a compilation of the reader’s favorites from Wisdom Hunters daily devotional. Andy Stanley says, “I have walked with Boyd for over 20 years and I am definitely wiser for it. You are going to love this book!”

9/11 Prayer

Father God, today I lift the families of the victims from the atrocities of 9/11. I lift the families of the soldiers who've sacrificed their lives fighting this war. I lift the courageous men and women who are still fighting. And I lift the families and friends who love their soldiers. Build a hedge of protection around them. Around all of us, Lord. Keep us from the enemy's snare. Heal our wounded hearts. And let us remember Who we serve. In Jesus' name, Amen!

9/11 Will Never Be Forgotten

Okay, let me get serious for a second, 9 years ago tomorrow, I heard the phone ring in my hotel room and on the other end was my Gma's voice telling me we'd been attacked. I couldn't understand her words. She said it 3 times. I turned on the TV and sat there absorbing what I was seeing. Those images were replays. But I will never, EVER forget the feeling inside. America? Our soil?? Planes crashing into buildings??? As the confusion in my mind took over my body I felt numb. Who would do this?

Those of us who lived it know the results.

Terrorists.

What I saw in the days that followed quickly replaced the grave images plastered all over the TV and papers. I saw a nation rise up, unify, join hands and face the challenges before us. I saw reports of strangers sifting through rubble without sleep from all over the country in hopes of finding survivors. I saw lines circling buildings where people were donating blood in most of our cities.

This was something good coming from what the enemy meant for harm.

I saw the other side as well. Suddenly, terrorist and Muslim became synonymous. I assure you, they are not.

I am a Christ Follower. The Gospel resonates for me. I'm not all God intends for me to be, but I am moving in the right direction. Even still, I do not hate others who have chosen another religion. And I do not hate Muslims. Muslims are not the enemy.

Hate is the enemy.

Tomorrow, when we remember the tragedy, let us not forget the unity. Let us not forget that regardless of our differences we are the same. We all need acceptance, love, approval.

Those who choose to live a life of hate and act in hateful ways destroying unity, destroying life should be brought to justice. But let us not allow enemy #1 to destroy our focus. Our enemy is not an entire nation, or an entire religion, or a specific race.

Our enemy is ignorance, hatred, intolerance, injustice.

Let us move toward understanding each other and embracing the diversity and individuality we each bring to the game. I've said it before this week, and I'll probably keep saying it, we are each on a journey to find truth and peace.

There are extremists everywhere.

Let's don't be one of them.

To our soldiers and their families, your sacrifice is only understood by fellow soldiers and other military families. My prayers are lifted for you daily. Thank you for choosing to protect us from those who choose violence as their platform. May God's arms remain around you and protect you.

For those who've lost loved ones as a result of 9/11 itself or the ongoing war, my deepest, sincerest condolences for you. May God's healing touch constantly be upon you.

And for the rest of us, may we continue to move closer to love and farther from hate dealing the main enemy the hardest blow yet.

Walk in love, be blessed.

Jeani

From An Email Devotional: Dr. Charles Stanley

This was too good not to post....

Aug. 31, 2010
Reprogramming Our Thinking

Ephesians 4:20-24

"We are the product of our thinking, so it is important that we choose carefully where to focus our mental energy. We can cling to our old flesh patterns and consequently find ourselves tripping over impulses and attitudes like bitterness, pride, and discontent. The wise alternative is to reprogram our thinking to match that of Jesus Christ.

Our current thought processes—such as the way we view ourselves and others, and how we approach problems—have been programmed by authority figures, church, friends, and even enemies. We can select some of our mind's influences (e.g., the media) but not all (e.g., our parents). Yet we can choose what input will shape our mind by believing and dwelling on that material.

Reprogramming the mind is a matter of choosing to believe and meditate upon God's truth. When you receive Jesus Christ as Savior, your mind is renewed with a capacity for godly thought. It might not seem different at first. But the longer you live the Christian life and apply biblical principles, the more you'll find old habits and modes of thinking will be choked out. However, anytime you yield to temptation, you allow old thought patterns an opportunity to rise up and dominate first your mind, and then your mouth and hands.

The way to strangle fleshly thoughts and attitudes is to pour Scripture into the mind regularly and frequently (Ps. 119:11). When we allow our thinking to be directed by the thoughts of God—which is what the Bible is made of—we will think, speak, and act according to His will."

Be blessed!

Am I Okay?

Sometimes, through the course of trying to make a difficult decision, sifting through the mess of our minds, or as a result of an event in our lives we find ourselves seeking reassurance. We find ourselves needing to hear that everything will work out, everything is going to be okay, the out-of-control chaos that is surrounding us is going to calm and life will once again become normal.

Acknowledgement. Acceptance. Approval. Basic emotional needs we all have. The amount of nurturing needed seems to be more fluid for most and dependent upon circumstances. For others, the need seems constant. Where do we go to get these needs met?

In my own life, I've sought fulfillment from my partner, friends, colleagues, fellowship from church, Pastoral staff, etc. I've witnessed others using these same types of people among other things. Sometimes, people turn to unhealthy means - one night stands, drugs, alcohol - these become weapons against vulnerability. They are used to mask the need and often lead to destruction.

In truth, there really is only One we need to seek during these times. Yes, people are here to help us navigate. But our reliance shouldn't come from them. For it is not other people we should expect to prop us when we are weak. God has all of the answers we will ever need. And the Holy Spirit is with us to help guide us. In our moments of vulnerability, we should seek Him.

Joshua 1:6 (New International Version)
6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (New International Version)
8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Isaiah 43:1-3 (New International Version)
1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Please don't misunderstand this message. If you need to hear from your friends, loved ones, etc. that all will be okay, by all means, seek that. God's design is for us to be in fellowship and community with one another.

But don't make them own it. Don't make them own sustaining you. God owns that. And if their reassurances aren't making you feel more at ease, then seek the One who can.

Be blessed!

Don't Borrow Sorrow

Matthew 6:34 (New International Version)
34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This particular verse follows illustrations Jesus uses to reveal to us we have no need for worry. He mentions birds and flowers and points out they do not show concern for food or clothing. They simply go about doing the things for which they were created to do.

Mamasan had a saying, "Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow." Now, I don't know the origin. I never asked her. But this verse sure does solidify her statement.

"Each day has enough trouble of its own."

How unbelievably true that is!

I'm not really sure the event or maybe even series of events that occurred in my life to create this particular personality trait, but I really am not a huge fan of surprises. Now, I rather enjoy surprising other people. And I will share in the great celebration of surprising someone else - say at the office with cake! :) But when it's my turn to have a surprise, I don't usually give the reaction expected from the person(s) who set it up.

I like to know what's in front of me. I like it to be calculated, well-planned, extremely predictable, and for good measure, low-risk. Even better if it can be orchestrated at my discretion. In short, I'm a control freak.

News flash to fellow control freaks: It's not a good thing.

I find myself constantly frustrated. And due to my intense anger issues, any emotion other than belly laughter gets expressed through anger. Tired = angry. Hungry = angry. Worried = angry. Hurt = angry. Scared = angry. Frustrated = angry.

Communicating while angry is never received well. It's usually met with defense and opposition - regardless if it's a family member, co-worker, etc. Who likes an angry control freak??

I've been fully aware of my anger issues for years. And contrary to what some may believe, I am a WAY better than I used to be. But it doesn't excuse the behavior. And I continue to work on it. The more I journey with God for healing the root of this anger, the more layers I uncover and the more uncomfortable I am; the more I realize truly how much is outside my control.

What can I control? It's very, very simple. So simple it's scary. And warning to you other control freaks, the sooner you embrace it, truly, I'm sure the shorter the journey and the least amount of damage done.... We can only control ourselves.

For me, this means that each time I try to get someone else to adhere to a standard I've created for me, I will fail if they do not value that standard or are not willing to abide by it. I can explain why it's important to me, but everyone has their own perspective and point-of-view. We all have our own filters we use to see the world. And they are usually built from our past experiences.

I'm learning that I want to reconstruct my filters using different material. I want to allow myself to enjoy the gifts of surprise. I want to be okay not knowing the outcome before the event. I want to learn how to leave yesterday behind, look forward to tomorrow, but truly enjoy today. I want to learn from my past mistakes and do my best not to repeat them. I want to make plans for a good future and have goals to which I'm lunging. But I don't want to forget about today. It is all I'm guaranteed. I have today. I have this moment. That's it.

Worry about yesterday or tomorrow won't allow me to enjoy today. My focus is somewhere my person is not. I am here. I should enjoy now.

One of the not-so-fun things about growth is once you recognize an area that needs modification, you are then responsible to either work through it to improve, or are accountable for the consequences of not working on it.

If I want to build a new filter for life, I need to use material that is solid, proven, timeless. If I want to enjoy today, I have to find a way to remove yesterday and tomorrow from my obsessions. How will I do that?

Promises. God's promises.

This isn't an overnight construction process. Dismantling the old filters will take time and effort. It will require grace and mercy. And I'm sure it's not even something that can be done in my own strength. I will lean heavily upon the One who is strong enough to take it apart, to clean the reusable parts and help construct the new filters. I will continue my journey using teachings from sermons and conferences, personal study, praise and worship music, service and fellowship, and lots of time in prayer.

I want to "get this" now, at age 37; not when I'm 73. I don't want to waste any more days not allowing the emotion that is beneath the anger to be revealed. If I'm hurt, I want to be able to say that I'm hurt without masking it in defensive anger. If I'm scared, I want to be able to say I'm scared. I want to enjoy things as they are and learn from them as they are without being so concerned about the outcome of everything. God's timing is perfect. God's provision is perfect. God's will is perfect. I want to trust Him with every area of my life and know without a shadow of a doubt that whatever He brings before me, it will have a good purpose. And that whatever the enemy brings before me, God can flip it into a good purpose.

I may have to say this every day for some time to come. That's okay. I'm progressing. I'm moving forward. I recognize a fundamental flaw as a result of my experiences, and I'm trusting the Master Designer to make the corrections.

Exodus 16:4 (New International Version)
4 Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.

Live today.

Be blessed,

Lean In

The clock continues to move and the fog continues to hang. Some moments I think I can see beyond the reach of my arm. And the very next moment the density increases and I'm not sure I can see my fingers anymore. Maybe I can see my wrist.

If we flipped the two numbers in today's date, it would be my last day with my current company. On the one hand, that's okay. One chapter closes and the next one begins. That by itself isn't too terribly frightening. But the part about this job that keeps me "clocking in" every day is the paycheck. Is that a confession I like to admit? No. I have several very good friends I've made through this adventure. But the way things are my contribution to the job is limited and sparse. Therefore, my accomplishment feels inadequate and the satisfaction gained from putting forth good effort is nearly non-existent. So, it's a paycheck. I'm grateful for that, don't get me wrong. But it's a paycheck.

I am excited to see what God has in store. I'm excited to see if He thinks I'm ready for another level toward the ultimate goal, or if He feels I still have some more things to learn before that is revealed entirely. I'm cool with whatever He's planning. I've learned He tends to have a few more facts in His notebook. He knows how to read that blueprint, I don't. So, He sees the final outcome and He knows exactly where I'm at along the journey. He knows if I'm on target or not. And if I'm not, He'll get me caught up. I'll trust Him.

He's not let us down so far. There has always been provision. It may not have always been used wisely, but it was there. And we've learned from those days. Here's something that has come to mind recently though. And I've seen some posts by a few of my friends recently that let me know many of us are in this very spot in our journey:

If God plants something in your heart, and He asks you to go through the desert to get to the promise, how far are you willing to go to attain it?

Here's a dilemma I have, I want it today. I may intellectually understand that in order to be able to achieve certain goals, there is preparation that I must do. Most people don't hit a home run the first swing they take at a ball. It takes practice, strength, timing. (I never did it, by the way!)

In order to be effective in what God is stirring within me, I need to be ready for the responsibility. There will be things within me that need tweaked, corrected, improved, matured. Now, depending upon what He's asking you, what it takes for you to be ready may be different than what I'm dealing with right now. But I think we could all agree that during those "desert" times of preparation it can get rough.

With the sand that blows around, the heat, it's dry, water is scarce, shelter seems absent..... But we come out tougher. We come out with more resolve. We come out with greater understanding. We lean in and depend upon God in such a way that the nature of our relationship with Him changes. We begin to learn Who He really is and what kind of a God He really is. We learn of His love and while it's something I don't think a single human is capable of fully comprehending, we may begin to understand the tip of it. And even that is overwhelming. Knowing how much He loves us enables us to find rest in Him during difficult times of our lives for because of His love, we have hope and we know "this too shall pass."

When I'm wandering in the desert, and I feel isolated and alone, I think of several key brothers mentioned in the Bible. There are many, many others. I only have to open it and find them. But the ones that immediately come to mind are Moses, Abraham and Joseph. I speak of them all of the time, and forgive me if I'm redundant here. Each was led from what they knew under various circumstances and led through different trials and tribulations in order for God to prepare them to receive all He had designed. In order to do what He needed them to do, they had to go through what He asked them to endure.

They may not have always been willing. I think several complaints were noted. What was also noted was the fact they did it. They endured it to completion and they accomplished what God intended for His purpose.

I'm not good at waiting. I'm not the most patient person on the planet. But I am getting better at it. I like things to be resolved very quickly. And I'm not much on surprises. I like to see where I'm going before I get there. And I know that is part of the reason I live here. There are actual hills and curves in the roads. I can't see the entire road before me. There are trees. I can't always see what's coming to the intersection from the other side. Folks here take their time. Few rush around to do anything. It's something I needed to live in to begin to absorb it. I needed to slow down and I needed to learn that I don't know everything, nor do I need to know everything in order to be effective.

I'm waiting. I don't do it without complaining. And that, I'm sure, will be addressed by my Father in time. Right now, I think He's more concerned with my patience. And I think He wants me to put my money where my mouth is, so-to-speak, and practice what I preach by leaning into Him during this foggy season of my life; to trust Him and to know that whatever He has planned will be for my good and His glory.

If you are sharing some real estate in the desert with me, if we're in the same neighborhood, I'd like to share a verse or two with you I received today from one of my devotional emails:

Romans 12:12
Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and prayerful always.

Ah! Be patient in trouble. Desert. Testing. Trials. Silence.

One more:

2 Corinthians 5:7 (New International Version)
7We live by faith, not by sight.

I can't see the future with regard to my vocation. I do not know the means God will use to bring provision for my family. But I do know He will do it. I do know that He has a plan and that He will not be late. And I have a choice to make: to listen to the enemy who wants to stir me into worry, anxiety and stress by telling me the number of days left to my last day.... OR I can press into my Father, lean into Him and step out in faith knowing it will all work out in accordance to His will.

Proverbs 3:5 (New International Version)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Stand strong my friends.... Be blessed!

Jeani

Rewind, Pause, Fast Forward

When the winds of change start blowing, I start reflecting. I tend to look at where I've been, how far I've come, what I'm doing today and what I want to do tomorrow. And, in my past, it's been exactly that: All about me.

As I've journeyed with God these past few years, a true journey to know Him better and give Him more control over my heart and mind versus accepting salvation only, I've learned that life really isn't about what I want to do tomorrow. It's not even about what I want to do today. It's about what God has designed and how I cooperate in order to get there.

My reflections still involve my own decisions. Especially when it comes to flipping through my past. But they also include now the revelations where God's hand was clearly involved. And for most of my life, even though I've been a believer in Christ since childhood, I've not always done that. Perhaps when looking at those major life changes I could see it. But I didn't always acknowledge it, and I didn't always give Him credit.

I've stumbled around, I've fumbled around, I've strayed, I've been legalistic, I've been far from God. But when putting God into the view of my reflection, I see Him everywhere. I see His hands and outstretched arms walking behind me the entire journey. I see those times I nearly fell and He planted me back on my feet. I see those times He had to let me fall completely, but He lifted me out of the pit. And today, I can appreciate why. I needed to remember Who He is. I needed to remember Who gives me strength and purpose. I needed to put Him back into the center rather than on the sidelines.

Many times in life, we rewind our lives and focus on the places we've been. We watch those old movies of our memories not for our own enjoyment, but more so to continue living in the pain either put upon us or caused by us. We punish ourselves because we don't believe and truly embrace that we're forgiven. We think we deserve to wallow around in the ruts of our decisions and because of how we've lived, we're not worthy of anything good. Who could love us?

When we experience good seasons in life, we want to hit that pause button. We become accustom to things. We enjoy the way things are. We don't want to move from that spot. Everything seems fine. We settle.

And during those tough moments, well, who doesn't wish there was a fast forward button? I imagine we've all experienced this. We can see the writing on the wall, we know where something is headed, but for whatever reason the timing isn't right. And we're enduring and struggling. Maybe we're losing sleep or burning energy trying to accelerate the clock. We want next.

There is nothing wrong with remembering your past. As a matter of fact, we all know that history can repeat itself. And if we pretend certain things did not happen, we may fall into the trap of the enemy and continually repeat our mistakes rather than learning from them. To reflect on your past isn't the cause for concern. But in living there you remove the possibility of experiencing and enjoying your present and you can certainly eliminate a future. Neither of which is intended by God. Remember it. But don't live it daily.

When we pause the now we stagnate. Yes, our lives might be good, okay, and fine. We may be enjoying a particular season. But what about where we want to be? There is nothing wrong with enjoying your present. We should. It's all we're guaranteed. But if it's all we consider, we may make decisions without thinking about how it affects tomorrow. Living only in today can set up a messy future. And soon enough, the bill comes and you aren't prepared. Enjoy today, yes, but don't forget to reach for those goals that stretch you. Don't forget to make plans for bigger and better things in your life. Don't forget to continue to push yourself to become who God designed.

The trials have a purpose. And, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. Whatever trial you are facing, there is a reason for it. And there is a blessing tucked away within it. Search for those blessings. Dig for that purpose. And above all else, trust in God's plan and His timing. Patience is not a strong point of mine. And I know until I learn to trust Him fully and rely upon Him fully, I will continue to face trials where I may know the final answer, but there are many details in between that I can't see with clarity. I may know where I'm going, but I will have no clue how I'm getting there. There is a purpose when God doesn't fast forward. There is a purpose when God presses pause.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (New International Version)
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Trust Him. You're in capable hands.

ROTTEN THIEF!!

I'll be honest, my last blog was an attempt to share how I had overcome staring at the laundry list of things beyond my control, but quite nicely held in God's hands, causing me frustration lately. I encouraged everyone (including myself) to quit looking at the list. It's a trap of the enemy. All of that was true. All of that is accurate. Here's my confession, I did it again.

I've posted this verse before. I've talked about it. I've separated it into two halves. It seems I needed the reminder, so, once again, I share with whomever God leads toward this blog.

John 10:10 (New International Version)
10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

This is Part I. And it is pretty crucial. It holds something we really need to understand. We have a strong enemy who really does want to destroy us. Not just knock us down, make fun of us, call us names. He really desires our destruction. He wants us to be miserable. And he uses all kinds of tactics, and sometimes even people that we love, to deprive of us Part II of this verse....

John 10:10 (New International Version)
10.... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I need to do a better job of grasping this part. Jesus came to save us from ourselves, yes. He came to pay a debt we could never pay. He is the way, the truth and the life. He is the gate. He is our savior. All very, very true and extremely important. Even a critical focus of our faith. But so much more came with that gift God gave us. And I think many of us focus on the saving part, but not so much on the "life, and have it to the full" part...

Jesus wants us to enjoy our life. Our lives should not be constant struggles and battles and burdens. We need to daily re-focus our energies on what is around us and assess where we are at. And whether or not things can change, accepting responsibility for our part; not trying to do another's part and worse, God's part.

When we are staring at our list of anxieties, we are playing to the enemy's hand. When we are focused on everything in our life that is out-of-control, in a shambles, a wreck, we are unable to see the morning dew, or hear the beautiful song of the birds in the sky, enjoy our children's laughter, embrace responsibility with our jobs and whistle while we work. (Okay, corny, but you get the picture.)

What can we possibly find in our lives that is enjoyable when we allow the enemy to keep sliding our list of worries before us. He changes the font color and size. He may even use a different color paper to distract us. Maybe it comes in the form of another bill, running out of milk, needing gas in the car, a phone call, a doctor's appointment, an email or a text message. Maybe you see a commercial on TV for a restaurant and all that does is remind you that you cannot enjoy a meal there right now; instead of sparking you to thank God there is food in your pantry and that you are not hungry. Maybe you see a trailer for a movie you want to see and you can't just get up off the couch and go because next week the cable bill is due. Do you focus on the fact that you can't enjoy a current movie, or thank God for the provision to be able to afford that DVR and those movie channels?

For every item on your list for which you can recite a worry, I encourage you to run it backwards and identify a blessing. Trouble in your marriage? You're not alone wishing you had someone to hold at night. Trouble with your kids? You're not crying yourself to sleep praying that God will bless you with a bundle of joy of your own. Can only window shop at the mall? At least you are physically able to go and walk around. Some people have lost that ability through various circumstances.

Look at your list and analyze it. If you have situations or circumstances that aren't positive or healthy, examine what is in your control and work on improving it. But don't only look at the problems. Search for solutions and implement the changes necessary to improve life.

Life is to be lived and cherished. Look at this beautiful world around us? We complain about many things, but if we shift our focus and turn our attentions to the magnificent creation we've been asked to tend, and breathe deeply the life God wants us to have, surely we can find something to be happy about?

Dive in, work hard, love hard, play hard. Plan to live and enjoy every moment. Jesus died so you could.

Revert Not

It's been pretty evident I've been struggling lately. Not that I'm doubting plans, God, or any of that. And by plans, I mean HIS plans, not mine. It's that my focus has been on the trials and tests before me and NOT on God.

I could give you a laundry list of concerns, scenarios, circumstances that are troubling me lately. Some bring more anxiety than others. And they all have a common denominator: I have no control over any of them.

Knowledge of the fact that God does, is and always will have control over them hasn't been enough lately because I fell into a trap. The enemy frequently sets traps before us. And this time, I stumbled into it.

Never has my knowledge changed. But my focus did. Rather than repeatedly rejoicing in the knowledge I have deep within that God is a good God, that He is Jehovah Jirah, that He is never late, that He sees me now and in the future, that He is fighting my battles for me, that He wants me to lean into Him, to trust Him, to have faith, to believe and to do my part, I looked at the list.

The Lord is close to the broken hearted. He rescues those who are crushed in Spirit. -Psalm 34:18

Hebrews 10:23
23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

These two verses came to me within the past 24 hours. They have been tremendously helpful in redirecting my thoughts. My faith hadn't disappeared, but my thoughts had shifted to the list. And the longer I looked at it, the more anxious I became. And the more anxiety I felt, the more I reverted to old ways thinking I needed to figure it out and some how do something about it. The more control I thought I needed of these situations, the more burden I felt. The more burdened I became, the more discouraged I became.

It's a trap. If you are looking at your circumstances only, if you are looking at the obstacles in your life and thinking to yourself, "How on earth...?" You find your chest is tight, you cannot breathe normally, you have headaches, your blood pressure is too high, you're eating constantly (or not at all), you're drinking more, smoking more, participating in other risky activities....

Stop looking at the obstacle.

You've allowed the enemy to steal not only your peace, but also your joy. Redirect your thoughts. You do have control over that. But not over your situation every time.(Granted, if the mess you're in is because of irresponsible behavior or decision making, you can change that - but if it's a product of the down economy or the actions of others, not so much.) You can't make that job come to you even if you're applying everywhere. You can't make your bank account multiply if you're doing all you can. You can't make the tires grow new tread.

But you can speak the promises of Jehovah Jirah. You can praise Him for your blessings. You can lift your hands in worship. You can trust in Him.

Do what you can do. Let God do the rest.

Perspective

When a painter stares blankly at a canvass, in their mind they do not see a plain surface of nothing but white. A design, image, scene, landscape or person emerges. In their mind, they work out the details of the lines and select the color palette that will be necessary to bring the subject to life. A sculptor does the same. They look at the medium - clay, stone, wood, metal - and they see something the rest of us don't. Shapes, curves, lines... And they use talent and experience to smooth the rough edges, to chisel away the junk and reveal it.

Parents look at their children and they see natural gifts and activities the kids enjoy. They begin to imagine what that child might do in the world; ways they will make an impact. And quite often, the parents will begin steering a kid in one direction - extra math assignments, extra science experiments, writing classes, music or dance lessons, sports - anything that will provide training so that child can become someone who makes a difference.

And sometimes, kids are in unfortunate situations. And this interest isn't given to them. And they are pushed aside and made to feel like they are more of a nuisance than a gift. They are neglected on some, or even all, levels of development and left to flounder around and feel their way in this dark world, learning by mistakes.

Regardless of the circumstance you had, or the one your children have, it is important to know this: While you may appear as a blank canvass to yourself, a lost cause, someone who missed their calling, this is not how God sees you. God is the Master Artist. He is the designer of all designers. And created you for a purpose. Have you missed it? Maybe. But the wonderful thing about God is there isn't an "oops" factor. He doesn't have to have a back-up idea as to who you should be. Nothing you've said or done surprises Him. He's known you from before the beginning. He's known all along what you would and wouldn't do. And from every experience He's given you the opportunity to learn and move closer to the blueprint.

You may look in the mirror and see nothing good. You may see years of mistakes. Years of hard living. Or maybe just years of mediocrity. Maybe you've done nothing wrong that would make headlines, but maybe you just haven't done your best. Maybe you've just floated by and kind of been tossed in the waves. Or maybe you're the one who has always done what everyone else wanted you to do. You became the doctor instead of the singer, or you work for your father's company when you wanted to do missions work. Whatever your situation, you look at your world and your circumstances, and you do not see how anything good or profound could come from your existence.

I'm going to share something to let you off the hook here.... You're not asked to see it all.

You're asked to look to Him for guidance and direction. To trust Him fully with your life. You're asked to believe His promises and to even test a few of them. To rest in His grace. To accept the gift of salvation and to simply do your best.

If you want to understand God's plan for you, may I suggest spending some time getting to know Him. I do. And I'm learning He's not really what I thought as a kid or younger adult. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a great earthly father. I had a good mother, but an absent father. My dad was a broken man. And so, the idea of what a good father really is hasn't been one I could easily grasp. But the more I study the promises, the more I lean into Him, the more I seek Him with regard to direction and decisions, the more humbled and grateful I become at the realization of how much He loves me.

No matter what I face each day, God is with me. No matter how foggy the future may seem, God is with me. He will always be with me. While I may try to run from Him, I cannot. While I may try to turn my back on Him, He will patiently await my return - standing by my side.

It is this understanding that will anchor me in the midst of the storms - regardless as to what may be the cause of the crushing waves. No matter what comes against me, or attempts to derail me from the plans of my Father, I am anchored. And I believe He has good plans. And I choose to rest in Him. Maybe you will, too.

PUSH!!

Raw thoughts from the following verse.... This is not refined.... And is choppy (in part thanks to the teens bouncing in and out of their room!) :)

Galatians 6:9
Do not let us grow tired of doing good; we shall reap a
splendid harvest at the proper time if we do not give up.

Every challenge we face in life has a purpose. And even the challenges we bring upon ourselves can be massaged by the hands of God to bring something good from it. Nothing that comes our direction is in vain.

The key is to learn from our experiences and to use them to figure out a way to help make someone else's journey brighter, make their load lighter, show them the love of God. That is the call on every Christian - to show the love of God to all; whether they deserve it or not.

God loves each of us as though we're the only one He loves. He designed us with our differences and our uniqueness for a purpose; yet we all have similar basic needs.

There are the physical needs: Shelter, food, water.... The emotional needs: Love, approval, affection, attention, adoration..... The Spiritual needs: A Savior.

Our job on this planet is to get as close to God as we can in order to undergo the changes within our own person necessary to meet these needs of those around us. We don't need to fight it. We need to accept it. God wants to use us to meet someone else in their broken state. He will meet us in our broken state and bring about the healing at whatever rate we'll allow. And through that healing we receive, we can share with others and encourage them, shine His light and love, and perhaps they will realize they need to move closer to God for their healing so they can continue the cycle.

One of the greatest things I'm finding in this journey as I move closer to God is that the more He heals me, the more I realize how broken I am. I also realize more and more daily that I cannot do this life without Him. I need Him. I'm developing a deeper understanding of the illusion of control the enemy places within us. And I'm beginning to accept the only thing in this world I can control is myself. And while I've argued that I can't control myself, I'm understanding that truly is all I can control. I cannot live this life blaming my responses, actions or reactions, thoughts, words, or emotions upon everyone else. I may not be able to do anything about a circumstance or a situation, but I can control how I react to it and my attitude about it.

I can't accelerate anyone's growth path. I can't save anyone from themselves. I don't own everyone else's emotional state. I don't own anyone else's happiness. I don't have a right to be disrespectful, but I'm not obligated to maintain someone else's emotions. That is their job.

I can't give anyone what they need to fill that hole inside.... That hole is the size of God and God alone. And HE is the one to fill it... It's His size for a reason. Because only He can bring the healing required for the wounds and scars created by this broken world in which we live.

The enemy is mighty, but he will not win. The forces that come against us are powerful, but not more powerful than our God. Darkness covers our world, but cannot keep the light from penetrating. We are protected. We are claimed. We are strengthened to keep fighting - not by our own power - by the power of God.

The tests and trials, the circumstances of preparation, the ramifications of our own missteps -- will wear us out, bring us down, make us want to quit. But as scripture tells us, we have to push through it. There is a greater purpose.

Philippians 3:14 (New International Version)
14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

You may never know why you endure what you endure. You may never fully understand the fruit of your actions. The important thing is to keep doing what you feel God has called you to do and trust Him to strengthen you for what may come against you; let Him fight the battles for you as He's promised to do. Do your part, and let God do His part. He won't do your part. But He will not leave you. Let Him use you....

The Blueprint....

Don't you just love conviction?! I'm not talking about condemnation. That's different. That isn't of God. That is the enemy keeping you in that feeling of guilt for something God will forgive you. That is the enemy using a mistake, poor judgment, loss of self-control - whatever contributed to disobedience - to keep you separated from God. When we live in condemnation, we fear God's wrath. We forget about His love. We run from Him and not to Him. We believe Satan's lies that God won't forgive us, that He's angry with us, that we are nothing and we are unworthy, that God cannot use us. We're damaged beyond repair. We're junk.

Conviction, on the other hand, is that moment where it may feel as though God smacked you in the forehead with a two-by-four, and then touched your head and healed it. That moment when you know you can no longer hide or plead ignorance, because God has clearly made you understand something you've been struggling to comprehend. He's separated the gray into what it is - black and white.

I felt a two-by-four this morning. The vehicle? The story of the Good Samaritan. For those of you who know the story, you might skip the next section. For those of you who don't, please read it first. It will help you understand the remainder of ramblings for this entry...

Luke 10:25-37 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b]"

28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

I'm quite sure that each time I read or hear this, I could have a different "awakening" with something else God wants to reveal; just on a deeper level than the previous study. And I'm quite sure that all of us can read this passage, and if we've asked God to reveal something, He'd show each of us something important. Let me share my two-by-four...

I've been feeling the fog lately, and for my Kansas friends, I'm not talking about The Phog as in Phog Allen Fieldhouse. :) I'm talking about the fog.... when you make an attempt to understand your vision for the future and can't really see past your own arm. I blogged on it the other day. My employment status is about to change. The direction of my service is changing. I'm in that limbo where God gets really quiet and attempts to teach again that lesson of total reliance and trust upon Him.

My "faith" brain knows I'm in good hands and that all will work out as it should; that He has a good plan for my life and He will not be late. My "flesh" brain tends to pay closer attention to the way things look here in the natural realm. The flesh brain has a quite annoying, slant toward focusing on the whispers of the enemy and then gets all tizzified. (New word, sweet!) And when the flesh brain adheres itself to the false truths of the enemy, anxiety begins to infect everything else; which in turn affects everything inside and begins to flow out of me.

Anyone who knows me well, or who has followed many of these rants, knows that the majority of my life I had two emotions: hysterical, unexplainable laughter or anger. If it didn't fit the category of funny, then the reaction from me was anger. If I'm scared, I become angry. If I'm worried, I become angry. Sleepy = angry. Hungry = angry.... You get the picture.

Over the past several years, I've finally come into agreement with God to allow Him to reveal things to me so that I can allow Him to change this. I'm no where near the vessel of peace, light and love I want to be. But I am getting better. And I am moving closer to understanding the original root of this reaction.... Control. Laughter I can control. If someone cracks me up, I can let that flow freely. But all of those other things seem (for me) to represent things that are outside my control. Situations, people, circumstances I can do nothing about. The outcome isn't evident and the opportunity for something painful exists. Rather than take a chance to enjoy the experience and teaching for whatever it may be, to find God's beauty within it, I shove that below and release anger that I can't manipulate things for something less uncomfortable - even though God's beauty may be inside of it. Hope I've delivered that in a way that makes sense....

I've been asking God to just keep chiseling away at the crusty casing upon my heart; to keep revealing things to me so that I can follow His lead into whatever He's designed next. I've been thanking Him that He has a plan, that He's lining things up, that He's putting the right people in my path. I thank Him that I have His favor, that He is using me in spite of what the enemy tries to tell me.

Anyway, I've also been confessing to Him that while I know He's in control, my flesh continues to stand in the way sometimes. I get ahead of myself and start playing scenarios in my head like trailers for upcoming feature flicks.... And I have to be honest, most of them aren't comedies. I wouldn't even call them thrillers where the good guy wins in the end. They are horror flicks. There is a scary, psychotic monster chasing me with the sole purpose of preventing me from ever rising higher.

While I sit and worry about the future and what I will do next, while I pray for God to reveal to me the path and shine His light upon it, while I ask Him to continue lifting me when I stumble, to continue dusting me off, I sit in anxiety not knowing what I am to do now, much less in a month, three months, six months, etc. I feel a strong sense that sitting idly by in the apartment and waiting for that knock on the door isn't the answer. But I don't really know my direction. I don't know what kind of jobs to search. I don't know who will take a chance on a Biology major with a business background, but no accounting. I'm in the fog. I can't see in front of me. My eyes are open wide, but I'm blind.


Now, the two-by-four.... I am to "go and do likewise." (Luke 10:37) I am to show grace and mercy to my neighbor - whomever that might be. From family to strangers, everyone I encounter is a neighbor. If there is a need and I can meet it, I am to meet it. Granted, there's an entire balance thing that comes into play with this. But the real understanding and the real message for me is to meet the needs as they are presented. To be the hands and feet. To shine the light. To be the only Jesus some may ever know. To serve. To embrace interruptions and things that move me from MY plans as they quite likely originate in His plans. If I want to become the woman He's designed me to become, I must continue meeting the needs of others - not from a perspective of controlling outcomes, situations, people, circumstances. Trust me, those who worry about Superman returning, that's not what I mean. But I do mean following God's call and being a servant wherever He leads in whatever capacity that may be.

How? Being observant. Paying attention. Keeping my heart open. Putting others first - not neglecting myself with regard to needs or things that will keep me healthy, but materially putting others before myself. Removing anger as an emotional option (with God's help, of course). Changing my perspective on events and pausing first to ask myself if the task before me might have eternal benefits. Is this temporary derailment from my plans going to create an opening to shine God's light and love? If so, I'd probably be wise to act accordingly. Removing the junk in my life - negative things, things that weigh heavy upon my heart or mind, things that might be a portal for the enemy, things that might tempt me to place them before God.

We each have a blueprint. We will not be whole and perfect this side of Heaven. But we do have an opportunity to move toward that design. We have the option to choose to allow God to continue His work in our hearts to repair the damage done in this world by people, events, sickness, tragedies.... Things will happen in this world, and we will have scars from hurts. But God can restore us - IF we let Him. And if we do let Him, we can continue to grow and move toward that blueprint He holds...

What is God asking you to do in order to move closer to the design? Is He asking you to sacrifice something you think is "fun", yet is tearing you up inside? Is He asking you to let go of friendships that serve as roadblocks to development? Is He asking you to stop participating in gossip sessions about others that serve no purpose other than to tear someone down? Is He asking you to challenge yourself to show more mercy, grace, forgiveness, kindness, love? Is He asking you to change the channel on the TV, move the dial on the radio and fill yourself during those "mindless moments" with something uplifting and encouraging, with His Word, vs the junk of the world? Is He asking you to take that step and find a church home? Or to begin believing in His Son?

Sometimes, silence speaks volumes. Sometimes, the writing upon the wall isn't gray, it's red. Sometimes, the fog is to heighten your other senses and bring awareness to the obvious; even though you'd swear you can't see it.

Revelation 3:20 (New International Version)
20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

He's knocking at your door. Maybe He's been there for awhile. He has things He wants to teach you, things He wants to share. Will you let Him in?

"....never forsake you...."

Deuteronomy 31:6Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:8The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:5No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Feel the breeze?

I've been dealing with a bit of anxiety lately. Happens to the best of us. I'm standing in a fog right now. It's one of those thick fogs where the air can be cut with a knife and your skin feels wet. I can't see much more than the length of my own arm. I have a pending term date coming with my current company and the whispers from the enemy have grown louder than the truth in recent days.

Last week, I didn't take the time I needed each day to fill myself with the promises of our Father. I didn't listen to one sermon podcast until the weekend and I didn't read a single devotional. I spent my time flitting from this to that, refereeing teen bickering, and participating in my own fair share of scuffles. The anxiety grew. The tensions mounted. The sadness became heavy. There is a reason for that.

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version)
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Countering the enemy happens when we fill the spaces in our lives with God's promises and His Word. Speaking the promises in faith unleashes the armies of God. When we don't, we open the door for battles, fatigue. We open the door for doubt and anxiety. We open the door for inner strife which spills over into every aspect of our lives. It affects everyone we touch.

The winds of change are blowing as I stand motionless in this fog. I do not know where God is leading me. I believe I am where I am for a purpose. I believe I'm connected and reconnected with folks for a reason. I trust God will provide as He's demonstrated in the past year He is and will remain faithful. And He is never late.

I have a choice. To enjoy the breeze and the quiet time while God prepares my heart for what's next, or to fight it, to wallow around in worry and anxiety, questioning everything and trying to reason my own future. That breeze is much more peaceful.

Standing in the gap..... My prayer of hope

This is the only way I know to get this prayer to the masses. As all of my friends and family from Haysville/Wichita area know, our extended family has been praying for at least two folks who've suffered sudden life changing events. And while we may be shaking our heads, and feeling that sting of pain because we don't understand, I wanted to offer this prayer for Troy and Carl, their families and friends and everyone one of us touched by their lives. Let us all remember to stand in the gap in faith and trust the One who is in control.

Father God, we thank you for your plans for our lives. We thank you, God, that you remain on the throne regardless of our circumstances. We thank you, Father, for your promises to never leave or forsake us. We thank you, Lord, that you have numbered the hairs on our heads, and written our names on your palm that we can fully trust and rest in you. Father God, we are leaning into you now, seeking your peace. We are resting at your feet straining to hear your voice. We are praising you for the healing plan you have for the lives of these two men - and the countless others facing challenges with their health. Father, we know you can take all things the enemy designs for harm, and bring Glory to your Name. Lord, I pray that you will strengthen us and give us your endurance for the days ahead. I pray, Father, that you will wrap these families in your loving embrace; that they will feel your warmth and light; that they will know your peace and can believe in your promises. Father, let all of us stand in the gap for each of them. Let our faith be magnified and increased as we raise our hands to praise you for healing and miracles. God, touch these families. Touch their friends. Touch their children. You know what every person needs who has been touched by these men - and those who are suffering. Father, meet each of us where we are and provide us what we need. Thank you, Father, that you are Jehovah Jirah and our provider of all that we need. Thank you, God, for all you do to bring us hope in our lives and let us know that we are safe in your arms; that you have a plan and we can trust you. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Tough Stuff

Father's day has historically been a rough day for me. My dad wasn't around much when I was a kid. And this day marked the second day in as many months I honored my mother, who played both roles. She didn't have the luxury of saying, "Go ask your father." And I didn't have the luxury of saying, "But daddy said I could."

As a child, when it was brought to my attention that living in our home with my mother operating as both parents wasn't the "norm", an anger began to stir within me. And that anger became rage and that rage became hatred. And the target was my dad.

Soon enough, that anger spilled over into every aspect of my life. Because the thought of my own father walking away from his family and choosing not to raise his kids was so deeply painful to me, I built a fortress around my heart and I allowed nothing but anger to be reflected in my actions. While deep inside I continued to have the same emotional needs as anyone would and as we all do, I shut them out for the world to see. I was always, "fine."

I developed a picture of what my father was. And trust me, it wasn't pretty. Nor was it accurate. But I wouldn't understand that until later. I tagged this new photo to all dads and was fiercely jealous of my friends who had the "normal" life. My grandfathers and my uncles attempted to step in and fill the shoes. But one can only care for another as much as that person will allow. And I didn't allow it.

Today, at the age of 37, I can tell you I didn't grow up with the right picture of my dad. See, he had demons to battle, just like I do. Just like you do. He knew Jesus. And he knew where he'd spend eternity. But I don't suppose my dad ever believed he was worthy of a good life here. He had struggles. And they were strong. And at different times he would fight them. But they would knock him down again.

I can debate back-and-forth with someone who wants to judge my dad. Did he have a responsibility? Yes. Should he have made different choices? Yes. Should he have been there to see me throw that tag high throw from center field to the short-stop for a double-play? Yes. Should he have seen my sister go to prom with her future husband? Yes. Should he have walked her down the aisle? Yes.

But let me ask you this, by judging him, as I did my entire life, and by focusing on what he should have been doing, what do we miss? Why didn't he do what he should have? What is broken inside of him? Why is he in such pain and self-loathing that he doesn't think he deserves the love of his soul mate, the admiration of his children, the sharing with his family? Why didn't my dad think he was worthy of a good, solid, life full of love?

I'll never know. He passed away February 13, 2009, after a battle with cancer. I wasn't there when he breathed his last, but I had been visiting a few times during his last two weeks. And I am humbly grateful to God for showing me what He showed me during that time.

Can I conjure the questions I used to justify my judgement against my dad? I listed them didn't I? But you want to know the difference? The emotion and the venom and the hatred that used to accompany them has been erased. It was erased during the last two weeks of my dad's life as I saw him resting in God. I saw him patiently waiting for his time. Knowing it was coming. Sure of where he was going. It was erased as I watched the twinkle in his eye while he held my mother's hand. It was erased with the wink and the smile he gave me as I helped him sip his Dr. Pepper. And it was erased when I told my daddy, "I love you," and he replied, "Love you too, hon."

God is not broken. God doesn't battle hidden heartache. God doesn't have to overcome trials and temptations. God doesn't leave your side. Ever. God doesn't forget to call. He is never late. He is a provider. He is the giver of life. Your name is written on the palm of His hand. You belong to Him. He calls you friend. You are His son or His daughter. He is for you in every battle you face. He sacrificed His Son for you so that you could spend eternity with Him. He calls you by name. He's numbered the hairs on your head. He keeps your tears. You are His. He has chosen you. He has a plan for your life.

God isn't like my daddy was. But God loved my daddy just like He loves me. And God never left my daddy. Even when my daddy strayed, God didn't abandon him. God won't abandon you. He seeks you. He calls to you. He stands at the door and knocks.

Regardless of the brokenness you have, the pains you've endured, the injustice you have suffered, the wrong choices, the bad decisions, the self-destruction.... Regardless of all of that, God loves you and wants you. Lean into Him. Feel His strong arms wrap around you. Breathe out all of the things of your past and inhale the beautiful plans God has for your future. Allow Him to restore you, to refresh you, to make you a new creation. He loves you.

Father God, thank you for ordering me to spend those evenings with my father during his last two weeks. Forgive me for not spending more time. As I now clearly see what you wanted to show me. Father, forgive me that I compared you to my dad's mistakes. Forgive me that I spent many years of my life with you on the edge. Forgive me for not trusting you. Lord, I know there are others like me. I know there are men and women, even children today, who don't have the right understanding of Who you are because they compare you to their dad's mistakes. Find a way to show them, God, that you are different. Find a way to bring them the ability to understand, Father, that you are the example of love, for you are love. Strengthen them as they endure imperfection. For those daddy's God who don't know how to be a daddy, captivate them God, and bring them into you. Breathe your life into them. Help them learn love. Help them beat their demons. Help them understand responsibility and walk with them step for step as they begin life anew. Thank you, Father, for the men who do get it. Thank you for their example. Thank you for their protection. Thank you for their endurance. Surround us today, God, with your warmth and love. And to you, Father, we say, "Happy Father's Day." In Jesus' name, Amen!

Where's my cape??

When I was a little kid, I (like most kids) figured out how my actions could cause others to smile. I could be cute or funny and another person's face would light up. As I got older, I discovered the witty vein that sprints through our family and suddenly found the need to be a comedian. Entertaining other people and helping lighten a mood is one thing; and there is nothing wrong with bringing other people joy. Somewhere in my childhood, though, I crossed a line.

I assumed ownership of other people's emotions. I tagged myself with the responsibility of making other people happy. I began to believe the lie that their response to my humor was my purpose. And soon enough, I expanded my operation. I not only owned people's laughs and smiles, I owned their growth and maturity. And the success of their growth, their responsibility, them "getting it" was a direct correlation to my worth and value. If others couldn't be happy, whole, all they were designed to be - I was less than what I was designed to be. I had failed.

I operated out of this mode for many, many years. And with each passing year, each new relationship, I built an enterprise. And the size of the enterprise I owned was massive. And it was very, very heavy. And word got out that I would take ownership of things others totally owned. And that I would carry not only their load, but them. I would do for them things they could not do for themselves. In truth, my dynasty was so massive, I would do for them things they would not do for themselves. And the weight of the world was upon me. And I was Superman.

I did pretty well for a while. I "sucked it up" as things became increasingly difficult. My stress level was through the roof and becoming more difficult to hide. I'd always battled anger as well. The vast majority of my life I was very angry. And that became a simple pattern and knee-jerk response to any attempt at any emotion. If I was scared, you saw anger. If I was sad, you saw anger. If I was happy, many times you would even see anger instead of laughter; or at least it would be intermixed.

I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating properly. There was always something spinning through my mind. Something I was worried about. Something I was trying to figure out how to fix for someone else; even things for myself. My life felt out of control. My responsibilities for everyone else's happiness and peace in their life was more than I could handle. I had too many irons in the fire. There were too many people I was trying to prop up. I was suffocating.

In the fall of 2005, I crashed. I'd had enough weight upon me that I couldn't do it anymore. Now, before anyone attempts to point fingers at others, and before anyone attempts to criticize or judge anyone else that was in my life when this occurred, let me make something very, very clear: I am the one who CHOSE to own what other people should have owned. I am the one who "bought" their rights and took control of the things that were out of control for them. It was my decision. And I was wrong. On every count.

In the fall of 2006, I found myself unemployed and floundering for a light at the end of the tunnel, a light of the ship coming to rescue me. Nothing was as it should be. I knew only chaos. All of my relationships with friends, family, even my partner were caving in. I'd experienced that desert feeling we all endure from time to time many different times up to this point. You know, that feeling when you open your eyes and see nothing but blowing sand and the sun? The vision we all have when we can't find the water. We don't have a map. We're all alone. No other time in my life have I felt more alone than that season. But I wasn't.

Through what I felt was an innocent statement during a conversation about Christ being "the One," I discovered the Word. My statement prompted an extremely passionate instruction to review God's Word and see for myself. Now, understand my position here. I grew up believing in Jesus. I was baptized somewhere around 5 or 6. And during different times in my life I was prayerful and felt the direction of the Holy Spirit. But even through all of that time, which at this point was almost 30 years, I'd never actually read much of the Bible for myself. I'd certainly never studied it. So, at this urgent direction, I began studying.

It was exactly what I needed. And I soon discovered the promises God has given and the hunger that comes from studying the Bible. The more I read, the more I wanted to read. And the more I prayed. And the more I wanted to be in church. And over the years since that fateful night in December 2006, I've come to live to talk about God's promises. Read these blogs. What is the main topic? Strike up a conversation with me on facebook? I guarantee you at some point the conversation will turn to God.

It isn't something I do on a conscious level. It's just a burning I have inside. It's something that has become natural. I don't mean to offend anyone. But if I say to you, "Praise God!" I mean it!! If I say to you, "Our Father is on the throne and has a plan for your life." I mean it! It's what I say to myself and it's what I believe. God is that light at the end of the tunnel. He's the ship when your being tossed by the waves who will rescue you. He is that pool of clear, refreshing water when you're stranded in the desert sun.

What does this have to do with Superman? All of my life, God cautioned me about my role and responsibility in the lives of others. Influence? Yes. By living as I "preach." Love? Yes. As best to unconditionally as I can (which has been a lifelong struggle - judgement can be another blog.) Act with compassion? Offer grace? Shine His light? Yes. Yes. And yes. Do for others what they cannot or will not do for themselves? NO!!!

Can I change someone? No. Can I make them see what they need to do for their lives to become happy? Not really. There is the illusion that we can. But if we're listening to the voice of God, and we see their struggle, and we sit down and let God stand up inside of us, it isn't our words they really hear. It is God's words. He gives them what He knows they are ready to handle - if we follow His direction. Sure, I can see something in someone and spout off because I'm irritated or annoyed or I've grown weary of their trek around the same mountain for the 200th time. But if God has not softened their heart to hear that, it's futile. And it's worse when they won't let Him. It's not my timing. It's God's.

Can I fix someone? No. God is the One who heals. Not me. He may provide for me skills, talents, or means to gain knowledge and He may choose to use these gifts in me He's given to reach the broken through me, but at the end of the day, the healing comes from Him.

Point of interest: I've known this for some time. Unwinding the behavior is quite a bit slower than acknowledging the needed change. And I'll be honest with you, it's extremely difficult to return the rights of responsibility to those who really own them.

But I'm determined to persevere. I'm determined to push through and get it into my flesh and my soul that by the grace of God He uses me as a willing tool to shine His light onto others. It is by the grace of God people cross my path He will have me touch. His will. His timing. His job. God. Glory to the Father! And may He do whatever is necessary throughout my life to keep me humble. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Do I believe God wants to use me in a greater way? You bet I do!! I feel that is evident. Do I think He can promote me to that next level if I don't let Him "fix" me in this area? No way! I will find myself curled in a fetal position because I took the Superman cape out of the closet again and I'm trying to do for others what they need to do for themselves. It's not going to be an overnight change. And I can assure you, it will be trying and very painful at times. But it is necessary for me to become the woman God has called me to be and do the thing He's calling me to do.

Be blessed my friends, and be courageous to let God do in you the thing He needs to do so you can do what He's asking you to do! :)

HABAKKUK 3:18 NIV
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

2 Corinthians 10:4 (New International Version)
4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

Hebrews 10:35-36: So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.